There’s a new drama featuring herbivore doctors.
It’s called Graze Anatomy.
Doctor, I keep peeing my pants! What can I do?
Urologist: “It’s mind over matter, urine control.”
My doctor told me that his job is easy because he can heal all of his patients with trigonometry.
He has a sinecure.
Why was the doctor so paranoid?
He worked in the ICU.
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it:
Doctor: I have good news and bad news.
Guy: "Whats the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: OMG, and the good news?
Doc: You now have a tic tac toe.
Me: I have an appointment to see the doctor.
Nurse: which doctor?
Me: No, just the regular one
Once there was a doctor who got shot. He adamantly wanted to perform surgery on himself, despite all of the other surgeons saying that he shouldn't.
But he was so insistent that they finally said "Fine, suture self."
My doctor didn’t show up to the appointment about my hairline.
He said it got pushed back
I dated a doctor once. Big mistake.
She was a Psycho.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic.
She got a divorce the next day.
What did the frustrated doctor say to the nurse?
Gauze dammit!
"Doctor Doctor I feel like a supermarket"
How long have you been feeling like this?
"Since I was Lidl."
The Doctor could tell right away the bucket was sick.
It was looking a bit pale.
When I woke up from my accident, I was shocked when the doctors told me I broke all my fingers.
It was hard to grasp.
A man goes to the Doctor with a banana in one ear, a carrot in the other ear and a cucumber up his nose. “What’s wrong with me doc?” He asks.
“It’s easy, you're not eating properly.” the doctors replies.
Patient: ‘Doctor, I’ve swallowed a spoon.’
Doctor: ‘Sit down and don’t stir.’
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Tell him I can't see him right now."
A guy walks into the doctors office complaining of rectal pain, upon examination, the doctor exclaims "Buddy, theres a piece of lettuce coming out of your butt!"
The guy looks to the doctor and says "thats only the tip of the iceburg!"
Why did the house go to the doctor?
It was having window panes.
Earlier, I tried to sneak into the Star Trek convention disguised as the starship's doctor.
Security soon discoverd, however, I wasn't the real McCoy.