Ya know, I was supposed to be a doctor.
But I just didn’t have the patience.
Once there was a doctor who got shot. He adamantly wanted to perform surgery on himself, despite all of the other surgeons saying that he shouldn't.
But he was so insistent that they finally said "Fine, suture self."
"Doctor Doctor I feel like a supermarket"
How long have you been feeling like this?
"Since I was Lidl."
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn’t PEELING well.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic.
She got a divorce the next day.
The best way to a man's heart is through his stomach."
The surgeon was fired later that day.
What did the frustrated doctor say to the nurse?
Gauze dammit!
Earlier, I tried to sneak into the Star Trek convention disguised as the starship's doctor.
Security soon discoverd, however, I wasn't the real McCoy.
Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway.
What kind of doctor is always available?
An on-call-ogist.
Me: I have an appointment to see the doctor.
Nurse: which doctor?
Me: No, just the regular one
Patient: ‘Doctor, I’ve swallowed a spoon.’
Doctor: ‘Sit down and don’t stir.’
Doctor: Your brain seems to have deleted all info about 80s music!
Man: Yikes! What’s The Cure?
Doctor: Darn, it’s worse than I thought.
The doctor told me I shouldn’t eat alphabet soup.
I suffer from irritable vowel syndrome.
Why did the house go to the doctor?
It was having window panes.
There’s a new drama featuring herbivore doctors.
It’s called Graze Anatomy.
Doctor, Doctor! I'm terrified of words that are also letters!
Oh you are? I see. Why?
A small child was brought into hospital the other day after swallowing several small toy horses.
The doctors report that he is in a stable condition.
Doctor: Are you aware of your sodium intake?
Me: Na.
My doctor told me that I needed I kidney
I told her no. I'd prefer an adult-knee.