Doctor: Your brain seems to have deleted all info about 80s music!
Man: Yikes! What’s The Cure?
Doctor: Darn, it’s worse than I thought.
A small child was brought into hospital the other day after swallowing several small toy horses.
The doctors report that he is in a stable condition.
A guy walks into the doctors office complaining of rectal pain, upon examination, the doctor exclaims "Buddy, theres a piece of lettuce coming out of your butt!"
The guy looks to the doctor and says "thats only the tip of the iceburg!"
Why was the doctor so paranoid?
He worked in the ICU.
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it:
Doctor: I have good news and bad news.
Guy: "Whats the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: OMG, and the good news?
Doc: You now have a tic tac toe.
What is a doctor's favorite element?
Healium.
The best way to a man's heart is through his stomach."
The surgeon was fired later that day.
Did you know that doctors that perform circumscisions don’t make a lot of money for those operations?
They only get paid in tips.
My doctor told me that his job is easy because he can heal all of his patients with trigonometry.
He has a sinecure.
What kind of doctor is always available?
An on-call-ogist.
The doctor told me I shouldn’t eat alphabet soup.
I suffer from irritable vowel syndrome.
Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?
The hip Doctor.
“While I was in the doctor’s waiting room, there was this tiny man, only about six inches tall. Although he was there before me, he let me see the doctor first. I suppose he just had to be a little patient.”
What do doctors use to diagnose chickens?
Eggsray.
I went to see my Doctor this morning and told him "The tablets you gave me to stop me shrinking aren't working".
He said, “You'll just have to be a little patient then”.
The Doctor could tell right away the bucket was sick.
It was looking a bit pale.
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Tell him I can't see him right now."
Doctor: "Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards"
Me: "And?"
Me: I have an appointment to see the doctor.
Nurse: which doctor?
Me: No, just the regular one
He used to be a doctor but he lost his patience.