What did the frustrated doctor say to the nurse?
Gauze dammit!
My doctor told me that I needed I kidney
I told her no. I'd prefer an adult-knee.
Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway.
Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk past the pill cupboard quietly?
So she wouldn’t wake the sleeping pills.
The Doctor could tell right away the bucket was sick.
It was looking a bit pale.
Doctor: Are you aware of your sodium intake?
Me: Na.
I dated a doctor once. Big mistake.
She was a Psycho.
A guy walks into the doctors office complaining of rectal pain, upon examination, the doctor exclaims "Buddy, theres a piece of lettuce coming out of your butt!"
The guy looks to the doctor and says "thats only the tip of the iceburg!"
“While I was in the doctor’s waiting room, there was this tiny man, only about six inches tall. Although he was there before me, he let me see the doctor first. I suppose he just had to be a little patient.”
My doctor told me that his job is easy because he can heal all of his patients with trigonometry.
He has a sinecure.
The best way to a man's heart is through his stomach."
The surgeon was fired later that day.
Doctor, Doctor! I'm terrified of words that are also letters!
Oh you are? I see. Why?
What do you call a doctor who became a delivery driver?
MedEx
Did you know that doctors that perform circumscisions don’t make a lot of money for those operations?
They only get paid in tips.
He used to be a doctor but he lost his patience.
Why was the doctor so paranoid?
He worked in the ICU.
Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?
The hip Doctor!
Who is the second coolest man in hospital?
The hip replacement guy!
Doctor 1: what’s his body temperature?
Doctor 2: it’s 90 degrees.
Doctor 1: What?! That’s can’t be right!
Doctor 2: No, it is.
I went to see my Doctor this morning and told him "The tablets you gave me to stop me shrinking aren't working".
He said, “You'll just have to be a little patient then”.
A small child was brought into hospital the other day after swallowing several small toy horses.
The doctors report that he is in a stable condition.