The best way to a man's heart is through his stomach."
The surgeon was fired later that day.
What is a doctor's favorite element?
Healium.
Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway.
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn’t PEELING well.
"Doctor Doctor I feel like a supermarket"
How long have you been feeling like this?
"Since I was Lidl."
“While I was in the doctor’s waiting room, there was this tiny man, only about six inches tall. Although he was there before me, he let me see the doctor first. I suppose he just had to be a little patient.”
What did the frustrated doctor say to the nurse?
Gauze dammit!
What kind of doctor is always available?
An on-call-ogist.
My doctor didn’t show up to the appointment about my hairline.
He said it got pushed back
Doctor, Doctor! I'm terrified of words that are also letters!
Oh you are? I see. Why?
A guy walks into the doctors office complaining of rectal pain, upon examination, the doctor exclaims "Buddy, theres a piece of lettuce coming out of your butt!"
The guy looks to the doctor and says "thats only the tip of the iceburg!"
Me: I have an appointment to see the doctor.
Nurse: which doctor?
Me: No, just the regular one
Did you know that doctors that perform circumscisions don’t make a lot of money for those operations?
They only get paid in tips.
Once there was a doctor who got shot. He adamantly wanted to perform surgery on himself, despite all of the other surgeons saying that he shouldn't.
But he was so insistent that they finally said "Fine, suture self."
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic.
She got a divorce the next day.
He used to be a doctor but he lost his patience.
Earlier, I tried to sneak into the Star Trek convention disguised as the starship's doctor.
Security soon discoverd, however, I wasn't the real McCoy.
My doctor told me that his job is easy because he can heal all of his patients with trigonometry.
He has a sinecure.
Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk past the pill cupboard quietly?
So she wouldn’t wake the sleeping pills.
I went to see my Doctor this morning and told him "The tablets you gave me to stop me shrinking aren't working".
He said, “You'll just have to be a little patient then”.