Unfortunately, the jumper cables are getting a divorce. They just had no spark.
What do you call a divorce but for bananas?
Banana split!
The divorce lawyer told me to get my affairs in order.
I said, "alphabetically or by age?"
Why did the biology teacher and the physics teacher split up?
They had no chemistry!
Did you hear about the couple that split up over coffee?
The lawyer said there were grounds for divorce.
The king and queen of the animal kingdom were having marriage trouble.
"You're a cheetah!" said one to the other. "Oh yeah?" she replied,
"You're a lion!"
My wife threatened to divorce me when I said I was going to give our daughter a silly name...
So I called her Bluff.
Why did the pig want a divorce?
Her husband was a boar.
What’s the only thing divorce proves?
Whose mother was right in the first place.
My wife said, "You act like a detective too much, I want to split up."
"Good idea!" I replied. "We can cover more ground that way!"
Why did the Math teacher get a divorce?
He substituted his wife for an ex.
Why did the wife divorce the baker?
Because he was much too kneady.
I recently broke up with my caterpillar girlfriend.
She'd changed.
My Karate teacher is getting a divorce.
He is a great Sensei, but he's not very skilled at the marital arts.
“Mr. Jones, I’ve reviewed this case very carefully,” said the divorce court judge, “And I’ve decided to give your wife $300 a week.”
“That’s very fair, your honor,” said the husband.
“I’ll try and send her a few bucks myself every now and then too.”
Sadly, hydrogen and helium broke things off. But they still think of each other... periodically.
Why did Comic Sans divorce Times New Roman? He just wasn’t her type.
I broke up with my partner on our front stairs.
It was a stoop end to the situation.
If marriage is grand, what is divorce?
Ten grand!
My parents used my Uber to go and file the application ending their marriage.
I gave the driver one star. He drove my parents to divorce.
My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God, and I didn’t.
How are relationships similar to algebra?
Because sometimes you look at your X and wonder Y.
My ex-husband was very responsible. If anything went wrong, he was usually responsible for it.
Why don't some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don't work out.
I asked my wife what she wanted for Valentine's Day and she told me she wanted a divorce.
I told her I wasn't planning on spending that much.
My birch of a wife just told me she wants a divorce. Says she’s tired of all of my tree puns.
The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage. She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns. I look at the therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one"
Two white bears got married, but soon ended up unhappy and got divorced.
It’s as if they were polar opposites.
Why did the cat get divorced?
He was a cheetah.
My wife and I split up.
She got the “U” and I got the “P”
Why did the whisky divorce the glass?
Their marriage was on the rocks!