I would totally carve your pumpkin.
A man walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender and says "I'll have a Corona please, hold the virus."
Tom Hanks just got the Corona virus.
They had to lock the whole Cast Away.
John Travolta has been diagnosed with the Corona Virus.
He had chills that were multiplying.
Don't worry, the Corona Virus won't last long... It was made in China.
That mask is becoming on you. If it were me, I’d be coming too.
Turns out my dad who’s a locksmith still has to go to work during lockdown.
He’s a key worker, you see.
I've taken up online yoga since the COVID-19 outbreak started.
It helps me namaste at home.
Even after a decade or two, I think we will all remember this year forever.
I mean, hindsight is 2020.
Call me a pirate and give me that booty.
I like my girls how I like my Covid.
19 and easily spread.
People with 20-20 vision..
Why you didn't warn us before??
Corona virus has caused our local supermarket to sell out of pasta.
All because of a fusilli people.
People with a cold - "I just want to stay in bed and do nothing, I feel terrible."
People with Corona Virus - "I feel terrible, I think I will go skiing in Austria, visit the Eiffel Tower and maybe do some white water rafting in Camino de Santiago."
My daughter told me COVID stinks and she misses her teacher...
I told her "I Ms. your teacher too."
Hi, I'm a zombie, can I eat you?
I may be dressed as a vampire tonihgt, but if you play your cards right you might be the one sucking
Since i have COVID people tell me i enjoy bad music and movies
Guess i have become tasteless.
Who is running the corona virus relief?
WHO??
Why did the Chinese communist party try to cover up the outbreak of the corona virus disease?
They were afraid not everyone could get it.
Corona Beer sales falter amid Corona virus crisis...
Guess their viral marketing strategy failed.
I got really good at telling them, so I’m being crowned the king of corona virus puns.
You’re all formally invited to attend my coronation.
I sneezed in the bank today, it was the most attention I have received in the last 10 years.
Girl, are you the Wuhan Corona Virus?
Because you’re taking my breath away.
Me: I'll have a Corona please.
Waiter: *Cough*
Me: Thank you.
Hey Baby, wanna find out why they call me Pumpkin-Head?
We are 11 days into self-isolation ands it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks.
Don’t get me wrong, I empathize with her. I’ve considered letting her in many times, but rules are rules.
Is it true what they say about the size of a man’s canine teeth?
I was going to make a joke about losing your senses due to COVID.
But I decided it was poor taste.
Why are people buying so much toilet paper because of the corona virus?
Because when one person sneezes, 100 people shit themselves.
I wanna bob for your apples.
While it’s taking a while for the Corona virus to reach other countries, China got it right off the bat.
I should have dressed up as a ghost tonight so I could let you under my sheets.
Just saw a burglar kicking his own door in.
I asked: “What are you doing?”
“Working from home.”
I'm tired of this old broom. Got anything else I can ride?
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing but this is as close as I could get.
I got my COVID-19 vaccine from a "doctor" who approached me in a downtown alley after midnight, offering it for $50 cash.
It was a shot in the dark, but I took it.
Why did Princess Leia contract coronavirus?
Because she went to woo Han.
Corona crisis reaches new level:
Iran out of toilet paper.
What do Muslims do during the coronavirus outbreak?
They stay in Quran-tine.
What does a person with Covid like to drink?
Coughy.
Girl, you make my crotch rise from the dead
You know what they say... Big Feet.
The government announced that because of COVID, we can have gatherings of up to 5 people without issues.
Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without issues?
My teen daughter was sent home from school for covid exposure.....
She’s now my quaranteen.
What movie perfectly describes the corona virus?
No country for old men.
What's the difference between Wuhan and Las Vegas?
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
Is that a magic wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Ok, so if the Corona Virus isn't about beer, why do I keep hearing about cases of it?
Did you hear the new pop song about Covid?
...it's pretty catchy.