Did you hear the new pop song about Covid?
...it's pretty catchy.
Corona crisis reaches new level:
Iran out of toilet paper.
I'm using a bra for a face mask.
I like to keep abreast of corona security measures.
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
My real costume is at home in a box under my bed.
A man walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender and says "I'll have a Corona please, hold the virus."
Due to covid most exotic dancers have been furloughed.
Basically, they’ve been stripped of their source of income.
Hey, my parents are out of town. That means we have the haunted mansion all to ourselves.
Please stop with all the corona jokes.
I‘m sick of it.
What movie perfectly describes the corona virus?
No country for old men.
We are 11 days into self-isolation ands it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks.
Don’t get me wrong, I empathize with her. I’ve considered letting her in many times, but rules are rules.
Corona virus has caused our local supermarket to sell out of pasta.
All because of a fusilli people.
I am a mean green machine.
What did the Indian boy say to his parent before going into self isolation?
Mumbai.
Flat earthers fear 6 feet social distancing could push some people over the edge.
Girl, are you the Wuhan Corona Virus?
Because you’re taking my breath away.
Has Covid-19 forced you to wear glasses and a mask at the same time?
You may be entitled to condensation.
While it’s taking a while for the Corona virus to reach other countries, China got it right off the bat.
Me: I'll have a Corona please.
Waiter: *Cough*
Me: Thank you.
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing but this is as close as I could get.
Is that a bat in your pocket, or does my costume excite you?
I may be dressed as a vampire tonihgt, but if you play your cards right you might be the one sucking
I wanna bob for your apples.
I’m throwing a COVID-19 party this weekend.
None of you are invited.
Why are people buying so much toilet paper because of the corona virus?
Because when one person sneezes, 100 people shit themselves.
You know why women's eyes are so noticeable these days?
It's the mask era.
I feel really bad for the class of 2020. They say the year really flies by.
I just didn’t realize it would Zoom.
I could tell you a COVID joke...
But it would take two weeks for you to get it.
Is it true what they say about the size of a man’s canine teeth?
People with 20-20 vision..
Why you didn't warn us before??
They found a plant that cures COVID-19!
It’s called plant yourself on the couch.
I got my COVID-19 vaccine from a "doctor" who approached me in a downtown alley after midnight, offering it for $50 cash.
It was a shot in the dark, but I took it.
I broke up with my girlfriend after she contracted the corona virus
I’ve decided to wash my hands of her.
My daughter told me COVID stinks and she misses her teacher...
I told her "I Ms. your teacher too."
With all this spare time on their hands people are going to start pursuing their passions. I wouldn't be surprised to sudden explosion in the arts, a renewal in scientific interest, and a mass proliferation of original content.
A coronaissance, if you will.
My teen daughter was sent home from school for covid exposure.....
She’s now my quaranteen.
Hey, Baby do you want to see what tricks my treat could do?
I know I've never been all that attractive.
But lately every woman I try to approach avoids me like the plague.
Why did the Chinese communist party try to cover up the outbreak of the corona virus disease?
They were afraid not everyone could get it.
This Corona virus is a blessing
My wife doesn't want to travel anywhere.
She no longer buys anything online, since everything comes from China.
she doesn't go to the mall to avoid the crowds.
she spends all of her time in a mask with her mouth closed.
Best thing that has ever happened to me.
I was going to make a joke about losing your senses due to COVID.
But I decided it was poor taste.
I just asked the wife to get into her nurse's uniform.
She said "Why? Are you feeling horny?"
"No we need bread!"
What quarantine really taught me?
That you don't really need fun to have alcohol.
Why can't corona virus jokes go viral?
Because people are laughing into their elbows.
I got really good at telling them, so I’m being crowned the king of corona virus puns.
You’re all formally invited to attend my coronation.
Hey Baby, wanna find out why they call me Pumpkin-Head?
Don't worry, the Corona Virus won't last long... It was made in China.
Girl, you make my crotch rise from the dead
Did you know there are 206 bones in the human body? Would you mind one more?
Who is running the corona virus relief?
WHO??