A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
There was this guy who was married to a blonde, and each night he came home with a new blonde joke.
One night the wife got mad and decided to show him that she wasn't dumb.
She spent the whole next day learning all her states and capitals.
That night when he got home he told his joke.
She says, "I'm not so dumb. I know all of the states and capitals. Go ahead, quiz me."
He thought for a moment and asked, "What is the capital of Massachusetts?"
She quickly replied, "M"!
Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.
Why did the Blonde go to Taco Bell? To pay her phone bill.
Why blondes can't make Koolaid? Because they can't get 2 quarts of water in that small koolaid envelope.
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
Did you ever hear about the blonde who bathed herself and drank cleaning substances? She wanted to be spotless inside and out.
A blond rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?" The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..." The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door.
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
How does a blonde kill a worm?
She buries it.
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team? They drowned in Spring Training
What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? "Thanks for the refill!"
What's the mating call of the blonde? "I'm sooooo drunk!"
How do you confuse a blonde? Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.
Why did the Blonde go to the Apple Store? She wanted a Big Mac meal.
On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor.
He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.
The blonde asked, “How am I supposed to know when I’m at 300 feet?”
“That’s a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you'll be able to recognize the faces of people on the ground.”
After pondering his answer, she asked, “What happens if there’s no one there I know?”
Why do blondes wear hooped ear rings. So they have somewhere to put their feet when having se*.
Why did the blonde have square boobs? Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes.
What do you call a blonde holding a balloon? Siamese twins
How many dumb blonde jokes are there? None they're all true stories.
What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
A blond was taking helicopter lessons.
The instructor said, "I'll radio you every 1000 feet to see how you're doing."
At 1000 feet, the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great.
At 2000 feet, he said she was still doing well.
Right before she got to 3000 feet, the propeller stopped, and she twirled to the ground.
The instructor ran to where she crash landed and pulled her out of the helicopter. "What went wrong?"
The blond said, "At 2500 feet, I started to get cold, so I turned the big fan off."
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? Data transfer.
How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.
A redhead tells her blond stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blond replies, "Oh my God. You slut. How many is a brazilian?"
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
Why did the blonde give up online shopping?
The trolley kept falling off the computer.
This blonde was walking down a road carrying a bag, when a guy came along.
The guy asks, "What are you carrying?"
"Melons," the blonde replies.
"Cool," the guy says.
"If I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?"
The blonde giggles and says, "If you can guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them."
Two blonds were driving down the road.
The blond driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working.
So the blond looks out the window and says, "Yes. No. Yes. No."
How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed? Because she wanted to measure how long he slept.
How do you confuse a blond?
Tell them to count the stairs on a escalator.
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour.
So, when would you like to start?"
"In three months."