Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.
Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell, she has a grenade in her hand.
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
Why did the Blonde go to the Apple Store? She wanted a Big Mac meal.
How does a blonde kill a worm?
She buries it.
What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? Perri-air.
How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer.
A blond rings up an airline.
She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"
The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."
The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
Two blondes are walking down the road when one says "Look at that dog with one eye!"
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says "Where?"
Why did the blonde put sugar on her bed? Because she wanted sweet dreams!
Did you hear about the blonde corn maze? It only had 1 stalk.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
Why do blondes wear hooped ear rings. So they have somewhere to put their feet when having se*.
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days?
Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
A redhead tells her blond stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blond replies, "Oh my God. You slut. How many is a brazilian?"
How do you confuse a blonde? Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Two blondes fell down a hole.
One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see!"
How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.
Why did the blonde take a camera to bed? To record what she was going to dream that night.
Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.
This blonde was walking down a road carrying a bag, when a guy came along.
The guy asks, "What are you carrying?"
"Melons," the blonde replies.
"Cool," the guy says.
"If I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?"
The blonde giggles and says, "If you can guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them."
Why did the blonde only tie one shoe? Because on the bottom it said "Taiwan" (Tie one)
Why shouldn't you even think about dating the blond outfielder who got hit in the head by a baseball?
Because she's a bad catch.
A blonde goes to a soda machine.
She puts in a dollar and gets a soda.
She does this again and again.
A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long.
She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?"
A blond pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died.
After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly.
"What's the story?" she asked.
"Just crap in the carburetor," the mechanic replied.
"How often do I have to do that?" asked the blond.
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back
How many dumb blonde jokes are there? None they're all true stories.
Why do blondes wear ponytails? To hide the valve stem!
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says:
"Doctor, what’s the problem with me?
When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts...
When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!"
The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
A blond was taking helicopter lessons.
The instructor said, "I'll radio you every 1000 feet to see how you're doing."
At 1000 feet, the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great.
At 2000 feet, he said she was still doing well.
Right before she got to 3000 feet, the propeller stopped, and she twirled to the ground.
The instructor ran to where she crash landed and pulled her out of the helicopter. "What went wrong?"
The blond said, "At 2500 feet, I started to get cold, so I turned the big fan off."
Two blonds were driving down the road.
The blond driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working.
So the blond looks out the window and says, "Yes. No. Yes. No."
A blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days? Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.