How do you kill a blonde? Give her a gun and say it's a hair drier.
How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.
Did you hear about the blonde corn maze? It only had 1 stalk.
A blond pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died.
After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly.
"What's the story?" she asked.
"Just crap in the carburetor," the mechanic replied.
"How often do I have to do that?" asked the blond.
A redhead tells her blond stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blond replies, "Oh my God. You slut. How many is a brazilian?"
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? Data transfer.
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
How does a blonde kill a worm?
She buries it.
Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.
Two blondes were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.
A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they’d never seen before.
Each bought one.
The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across to her friend and said, “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”
“Why not?”
“I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”
What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? Perri-air.
A blond rings up an airline.
She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"
The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."
The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave!
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
What do you call a blonde holding a balloon? Siamese twins
Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.
How do you drown a submarine full of blonds?
You knock on the door.
Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.
How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer.
This blonde was walking down a road carrying a bag, when a guy came along.
The guy asks, "What are you carrying?"
"Melons," the blonde replies.
"Cool," the guy says.
"If I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?"
The blonde giggles and says, "If you can guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them."
What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
Why did the blond softball team always eat at Taco Bell before a game?
So they'd get more runs than the opponents.
How many dumb blonde jokes are there? None they're all true stories.
What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A blonde parade.
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour.
So, when would you like to start?"
"In three months."
Why did the blonde give up online shopping?
The trolley kept falling off the computer.
Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? Because she got an "F" in se*.
Why did the blonde take a camera to bed? To record what she was going to dream that night.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? "Thanks for the refill!"
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
There was this guy who was married to a blonde, and each night he came home with a new blonde joke.
One night the wife got mad and decided to show him that she wasn't dumb.
She spent the whole next day learning all her states and capitals.
That night when he got home he told his joke.
She says, "I'm not so dumb. I know all of the states and capitals. Go ahead, quiz me."
He thought for a moment and asked, "What is the capital of Massachusetts?"
She quickly replied, "M"!
A blond was taking helicopter lessons.
The instructor said, "I'll radio you every 1000 feet to see how you're doing."
At 1000 feet, the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great.
At 2000 feet, he said she was still doing well.
Right before she got to 3000 feet, the propeller stopped, and she twirled to the ground.
The instructor ran to where she crash landed and pulled her out of the helicopter. "What went wrong?"
The blond said, "At 2500 feet, I started to get cold, so I turned the big fan off."
What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? Her IQ goes up!
Two blonds were driving down the road.
The blond driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working.
So the blond looks out the window and says, "Yes. No. Yes. No."
A blonde goes to a soda machine.
She puts in a dollar and gets a soda.
She does this again and again.
A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long.
She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?"
Why did the Blonde go to the Apple Store? She wanted a Big Mac meal.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.