A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
A blond was taking helicopter lessons.
The instructor said, "I'll radio you every 1000 feet to see how you're doing."
At 1000 feet, the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great.
At 2000 feet, he said she was still doing well.
Right before she got to 3000 feet, the propeller stopped, and she twirled to the ground.
The instructor ran to where she crash landed and pulled her out of the helicopter. "What went wrong?"
The blond said, "At 2500 feet, I started to get cold, so I turned the big fan off."
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? She moved.
Why do blondes wear ponytails? To hide the valve stem!
A blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back
What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? Perri-air.
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell, she has a grenade in her hand.
Why did the blond softball team always eat at Taco Bell before a game?
So they'd get more runs than the opponents.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
Why blondes can't make Koolaid? Because they can't get 2 quarts of water in that small koolaid envelope.
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
A blond rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?" The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..." The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted!
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave!
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
What's the mating call of the blonde? "I'm sooooo drunk!"
Why did the Blonde go to Taco Bell? To pay her phone bill.
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
Dustin and Jane (both blonds) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end.
The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?”
The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.”
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
Why shouldn't you even think about dating the blond outfielder who got hit in the head by a baseball?
Because she's a bad catch.
How do you kill a blonde? Give her a gun and say it's a hair drier.
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
A blonde and a brunette were jumping off a building. Who jumped first? The brunette. The blonde had to ask for directions...
Did you ever hear about the blonde who bathed herself and drank cleaning substances? She wanted to be spotless inside and out.
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"
Two blondes fell down a hole.
One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see!"
How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.
Two blondes are walking down the road when one says "Look at that dog with one eye!"
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says "Where?"
What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.
What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? Her IQ goes up!
How many blonde jokes are there?
One. The rest are all true stories.
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed? Because she wanted to measure how long he slept.
There was this guy who was married to a blonde, and each night he came home with a new blonde joke.
One night the wife got mad and decided to show him that she wasn't dumb.
She spent the whole next day learning all her states and capitals.
That night when he got home he told his joke.
She says, "I'm not so dumb. I know all of the states and capitals. Go ahead, quiz me."
He thought for a moment and asked, "What is the capital of Massachusetts?"
She quickly replied, "M"!
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? "Thanks for the refill!"
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and with a screaming voice said, “I have a complaint!”
“How can i help you?” said the librarian looking up at her.
“I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!”
Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked “What was wrong with it?”
“It had way too many characters and there was no plot!” said the blonde.
The librarian nodded and said, “Ahhh. So YOU must be the person who took our phone book."
How do you drown a blonde? Tape a mirror to the bottom of a pool.
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour. So, when would you like to start?"
"Could I start In three months?"
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.