What goes: vroooom-schreech, vrooom-schreech, vroooom-schreech? A blonde at a flashing red light
What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
A blond was taking helicopter lessons.
The instructor said, "I'll radio you every 1000 feet to see how you're doing."
At 1000 feet, the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great.
At 2000 feet, he said she was still doing well.
Right before she got to 3000 feet, the propeller stopped, and she twirled to the ground.
The instructor ran to where she crash landed and pulled her out of the helicopter. "What went wrong?"
The blond said, "At 2500 feet, I started to get cold, so I turned the big fan off."
How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer.
A blonde and a brunette were jumping off a building. Who jumped first? The brunette. The blonde had to ask for directions...
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour.
So, when would you like to start?"
"In three months."
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
How do you confuse a blonde? Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Why blondes can't make Koolaid? Because they can't get 2 quarts of water in that small koolaid envelope.
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? Data transfer.
How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days?
Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
What do you call a blonde holding a balloon? Siamese twins
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days? Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
Why did the blonde have square boobs? Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes.
What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team? They drowned in Spring Training
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'.
How many blonde jokes are there?
One. The rest are all true stories.
A redhead tells her blond stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blond replies, "Oh my God. You slut. How many is a brazilian?"
How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door.
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.
Why did the blonde give up online shopping?
The trolley kept falling off the computer.
How do you drown a submarine full of blonds?
You knock on the door.
Why do blondes wear hooped ear rings. So they have somewhere to put their feet when having se*.
Why did the blonde put sugar on her bed? Because she wanted sweet dreams!
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
Two blondes were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.
A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they’d never seen before.
Each bought one.
The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across to her friend and said, “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”
“Why not?”
“I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”
What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of a pool? Air Pockets What has 12 feet and an IQ of 40? A Blonde-tourage.
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
A blond rings up an airline.
She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"
The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."
The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
Why did the Blonde go to Taco Bell? To pay her phone bill.
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour. So, when would you like to start?"
"Could I start In three months?"
Why did the blond enter the tennis courts naked?
Because the sign said tennis shoes only.
What's the mating call of the blonde? "I'm sooooo drunk!"
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"
What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? She moved.
There was this guy who was married to a blonde, and each night he came home with a new blonde joke.
One night the wife got mad and decided to show him that she wasn't dumb.
She spent the whole next day learning all her states and capitals.
That night when he got home he told his joke.
She says, "I'm not so dumb. I know all of the states and capitals. Go ahead, quiz me."
He thought for a moment and asked, "What is the capital of Massachusetts?"
She quickly replied, "M"!
How do you kill a blonde? Give her a gun and say it's a hair drier.
A blond rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?" The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..." The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.
Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards
How many dumb blonde jokes are there? None they're all true stories.
Why did the blonde take a camera to bed? To record what she was going to dream that night.
Baseball Fan: Have you ever seen a line drive?
Blond Baseball Fan: No, but I have seen a baseball park.
A blonde goes to a soda machine.
She puts in a dollar and gets a soda.
She does this again and again.
A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long.
She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?"
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave!