A blond was taking helicopter lessons.
The instructor said, "I'll radio you every 1000 feet to see how you're doing."
At 1000 feet, the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great.
At 2000 feet, he said she was still doing well.
Right before she got to 3000 feet, the propeller stopped, and she twirled to the ground.
The instructor ran to where she crash landed and pulled her out of the helicopter. "What went wrong?"
The blond said, "At 2500 feet, I started to get cold, so I turned the big fan off."

Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed? Because she wanted to measure how long he slept.

Why did the blonde give up online shopping?
The trolley kept falling off the computer.

Why do blondes wear ponytails? To hide the valve stem!

Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards

What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? She moved.

What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.

One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."

Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!

A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."

Dustin and Jane (both blonds) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end.
The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.

On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?”
The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.”

What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team? They drowned in Spring Training

Why did the blond enter the tennis courts naked?
Because the sign said tennis shoes only.

How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.

A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour.
So, when would you like to start?"
"In three months."

A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"

A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."

How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.

Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'.

Why blondes can't make Koolaid? Because they can't get 2 quarts of water in that small koolaid envelope.

Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!

Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!

What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted!

A blonde goes to a soda machine.
She puts in a dollar and gets a soda.
She does this again and again.
A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long.
She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?"

Baseball Fan: Have you ever seen a line drive?
Blond Baseball Fan: No, but I have seen a baseball park.

What goes: vroooom-schreech, vrooom-schreech, vroooom-schreech? A blonde at a flashing red light

“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.

How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.

How do you confuse a blonde? Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.

What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell, she has a grenade in her hand.

A blond rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?" The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..." The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.

How do you drown a blonde? Tape a mirror to the bottom of a pool.

What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? Her IQ goes up!

How do you drown a submarine full of blonds?
You knock on the door.

What's the mating call of the blonde? "I'm sooooo drunk!"

What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? Perri-air.

Two blonds were driving down the road.
The blond driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working.
So the blond looks out the window and says, "Yes. No. Yes. No."

What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of a pool? Air Pockets What has 12 feet and an IQ of 40? A Blonde-tourage.

A redhead tells her blond stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blond replies, "Oh my God. You slut. How many is a brazilian?"

“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.

A blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"

A blond rings up an airline.
She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"
The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."
The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.

What do you call a blonde holding a balloon? Siamese twins

Two blondes fell down a hole.
One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see!"

Why did the blonde only tie one shoe? Because on the bottom it said "Taiwan" (Tie one)

What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.

A blonde and a brunette were jumping off a building. Who jumped first? The brunette. The blonde had to ask for directions...

Did you hear about the blonde corn maze? It only had 1 stalk.

A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"

An blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.

Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.

Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"