How do you drown a blonde? Tape a mirror to the bottom of a pool.
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
Why did the blonde take a camera to bed? To record what she was going to dream that night.
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days? Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer.
Did you hear about the blonde corn maze? It only had 1 stalk.
Why did the blonde have square boobs? Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes.
What do you call a blonde holding a balloon? Siamese twins
An blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
What's the mating call of the blonde? "I'm sooooo drunk!"
How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.
What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted!
Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? Because she got an "F" in se*.
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? Data transfer.
Two blonds were driving down the road.
The blond driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working.
So the blond looks out the window and says, "Yes. No. Yes. No."
Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says: "Doctor, what’s the problem with me? When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts... When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!" The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
Did you ever hear about the blonde who bathed herself and drank cleaning substances? She wanted to be spotless inside and out.
What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? Her IQ goes up!
Why did the blond softball team always eat at Taco Bell before a game?
So they'd get more runs than the opponents.
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Two blondes were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.
A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they’d never seen before.
Each bought one.
The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across to her friend and said, “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”
“Why not?”
“I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards
Why blondes can't make Koolaid? Because they can't get 2 quarts of water in that small koolaid envelope.
How many blonde jokes are there?
One. The rest are all true stories.
Why shouldn't you even think about dating the blond outfielder who got hit in the head by a baseball?
Because she's a bad catch.
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
Why do blondes take the pill? So they know what day of the week it is.
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? "Thanks for the refill!"
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
How do you confuse a blond?
Tell them to count the stairs on a escalator.
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour. So, when would you like to start?"
"Could I start In three months?"
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
Why do blondes wear ponytails? To hide the valve stem!
Doctor: "You look exhausted."
Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."
A blond rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?" The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..." The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
How do you drown a submarine full of blonds?
You knock on the door.
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? Perri-air.
Why do blondes wear hooped ear rings. So they have somewhere to put their feet when having se*.
Why did the Blonde go to Taco Bell? To pay her phone bill.
What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team? They drowned in Spring Training
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says:
"Doctor, what’s the problem with me?
When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts...
When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!"
The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
A redhead tells her blond stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blond replies, "Oh my God. You slut. How many is a brazilian?"