A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour.
So, when would you like to start?"
"In three months."
Why did the blond enter the tennis courts naked?
Because the sign said tennis shoes only.
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell, she has a grenade in her hand.
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.
What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted!
How do you confuse a blonde? Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
A blond rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?" The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..." The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
Why did the blond softball team always eat at Taco Bell before a game?
So they'd get more runs than the opponents.
How many dumb blonde jokes are there? None they're all true stories.
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? Data transfer.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
A blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
Dustin and Jane (both blonds) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end.
The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?”
The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.”
Two blondes were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.
A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they’d never seen before.
Each bought one.
The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across to her friend and said, “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”
“Why not?”
“I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”
What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? Perri-air.
Why do blondes wear hooped ear rings. So they have somewhere to put their feet when having se*.
Why do blondes wear ponytails? To hide the valve stem!
How do you drown a blonde? Tape a mirror to the bottom of a pool.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards
Why blondes can't make Koolaid? Because they can't get 2 quarts of water in that small koolaid envelope.
Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? Because she got an "F" in se*.
What goes: vroooom-schreech, vrooom-schreech, vroooom-schreech? A blonde at a flashing red light
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says: "Doctor, what’s the problem with me? When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts... When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!" The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
A blond rings up an airline.
She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"
The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."
The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
How many blonde jokes are there?
One. The rest are all true stories.
What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of a pool? Air Pockets What has 12 feet and an IQ of 40? A Blonde-tourage.
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
How does a blonde kill a worm?
She buries it.
What's the mating call of the blonde? "I'm sooooo drunk!"
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.
A redhead tells her blond stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blond replies, "Oh my God. You slut. How many is a brazilian?"
Baseball Fan: Have you ever seen a line drive?
Blond Baseball Fan: No, but I have seen a baseball park.
A blonde and a brunette were jumping off a building. Who jumped first? The brunette. The blonde had to ask for directions...
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
How do you kill a blonde? Give her a gun and say it's a hair drier.
What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? Her IQ goes up!
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour. So, when would you like to start?"
"Could I start In three months?"
A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and with a screaming voice said, “I have a complaint!”
“How can i help you?” said the librarian looking up at her.
“I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!”
Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked “What was wrong with it?”
“It had way too many characters and there was no plot!” said the blonde.
The librarian nodded and said, “Ahhh. So YOU must be the person who took our phone book."
What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.
Did you ever hear about the blonde who bathed herself and drank cleaning substances? She wanted to be spotless inside and out.
What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave!
Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed? Because she wanted to measure how long he slept.
Why did the blonde take a camera to bed? To record what she was going to dream that night.
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.