What happens when you turn on a computer?
You turn it's floppy disk into a hard disk.
My Wifi password is "writtenontherouter"
And I let all my guests walk to the router and let them unsuccessfully try to use the initial password until I tell them it's literally "writtenontherouter".
I left my laptop outside on the picnic table, and when I came back, the keyboard was covered in ants...
...It took a while to herd them together but I finally got them all under control.
My computer is so slow it's running in the '90s.
Why was the hard drive scared of the large file?
Because it was a terror-byte.
Hey baby, are you a cloud server?
Because I have something to upload from my hard drive.
I for one
is something you might do if you had a broken keyboard
Why did the computer come with airbags?
In case it crashed.
How come the mummy doesn't want a telephone? Because he always gets too wrapped up on his calls.
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
I hate hard drives...
...they byte
My computer wants to build a snowman.
It's frozen.
When my father complained to my mother for never picking or dropping me at school, she looked at him and said, "You are the master of drag and drop, my love". He's an IT specialist...
My email password has been hacked again
That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.
My wife asked: "What's our WiFi?"
I said: It's an internet connection that works wirelessly through something called a modem. Why?"
She hasn't spoken to me all week.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
I did it! Dad said to save my money til my balance looks like a phone number.....
Available balance: $9.11.
A router and a modem got married.
They were pronounced husbandwidth and Wifi.
I changed my password to "incorrect". So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".
Asked the librarian rather loudly for the wifi password. He said "Sshhhhhh!" I asked "is that all lower case?"
What do you do if you spill maple syrup all over your keyboard?
Just turn off sticky keys.
V
V
Edit*: sorry it seems as the CTRL button on my keyboard isn't working
Where are dramatic hard drives from?
Oh I/O
I wasn't making enough money as a keyboard percussionist so I started moonlighting as gun salesperson.
I go from glockenspiel to Glock and spiel.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None because it's a hardware issue.
My kid asked why I named our WiFi "ship"?
But that's how everything syncs.
Clean water is like password
Not everyone has access to it.
I'm really obsessed with the F1 key on my keyboard. I'm trying to get help.
Where do computers go to dance?
The disk-O.
The umpire kept answering his phone during the softball game.
He said he didn't want to miss any calls.
Why did the hard drive crash?
Because it had a bad driver.
I would not be able to picture myself without having a camera phone.
Why did the telecommuter lose his job? He had to many hang ups.
Q. Why can't computers play tennis?
A. They try to surf the net.
How does a computer learn something new?
Bit by bit.
My father said that there was a bug on my computer. The bug was trying to eat one byte at a time.
Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
I asked the bartender for the WiFi password but he told me to buy a drink first. So I ordered a Moscow Mule and asked him again. He handed me a card with the password. It said:
"Buy a drink first" ... no spaces, all lowercase."
Computers cannot make good boxers because their bark is worse than their byte.
My computer was running pretty hot
Until I downloaded some fan art, and now it's working better.
What kind of phone does a burglar use?
A no-key-a.
Why do microwaves always mess up WiFi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
What do Russians call a bad WiFi connection?
Inter-NIET
I left my phone under my pillow last night and woke up to coins underneath it. It must have been the Blue-tooth fairy.
What's one of the worst things you could come across while surfing the web?
Your keyboard.
My cell phone got drunk.
It took too many screenshots.
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
...It was a close call.