Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.