I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.