What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
I just landed a job at a local Asian restaurant.
All I had to do was wok in for my interview!
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
I have a high shelf in my kitchen to store meat. It’s safe to say...
The steaks are high.
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
I decided to try growing pot...
So I buried a saucepan in my yard. I hear it takes no skillet all.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
Be careful what you say about those plates in the cabinet.
They're stacked.
Cooking a Hawaiian pizza and don't want to burn it?
Be sure to cook it at aloha temperature.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
I have a phobia of using the wrong amounts of ingredients when I’m cooking
So I’ve been taking measures to deal with it.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
I was serving my friend a roast in my tiny shoebox apartment. He boasted that he could cook the same dish in a mere two hours...
But I cooked it in a minute flat.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
Cooking is bad for my anxiety.
I had to throw away my pressure cooker.
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
What will a chinese grill use when a wok is too slow
A wun.
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
I'm taking indian cooking classes, because
I'm just so curryous about it.
Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.