Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time
Be careful what you say about those plates in the cabinet.
They're stacked.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
My wife asked, “Honey, could you reach that dish on the top shelf? It’s too high for me.”
It was a challenge, but I stepped up to the plate.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
Cooking is bad for my anxiety.
I had to throw away my pressure cooker.
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue. Which is odd because...
Australians usually boo meringue.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
I really hate straws.
They suck.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in a frying pan?
Take away its tiny brooms
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.