What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Go big or go gnome.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.