I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.