Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.