R2D2 is the most obscene character in film history
They had to beep out every word he said.
Within the labyrinthine bureaucracy prowls the deadly Adminotaur.
"My Doggy Ate My Essay"
My doggy ate my essay.
He picked up all my mail.
He cleaned my dirty closet
and dusted with his tail.
He straightened out my posters
and swept my wooden floor.
My parents almost fainted
when he fixed my bedroom door.
I did not try to stop him.
He made my windows shine.
My room looked like a palace,
and my dresser smelled like pine.
He fluffed up every pillow.
He folded all my clothes.
He even cleaned my fish tank
with a toothbrush and a hose.
I thought it was amazing
to see him use a broom.
I’m glad he ate my essay
on “How to Clean My Room.”
– Darren Sardelli
What do you call it when a panda eats all of your tall grass?
Bamboozled!
I'd steer clear of dating a dyslexic bus driver.
Sure, they may take you places, but there'll be mixed signals along the way.
What do you call a dinosaur that left its armor out in the rain ? A Stegosau-rust.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
“A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.”
Eleanor Roosevelt
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Preparing.”
"Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy."
A circus performer named Brian,
Once smiled as he rode on a lion.
They came back from the ride,
But with Brian inside,
And the smile on the face of the lion.
How do you spot a deer behind you? With hind-sight!
What is an evil dictator’s favorite type of weather?
A rain of terror.
What’s a pizza maker’s favorite song?
Slice, Slice Baby
What did the orange say when a knife pierced it’s peel? Flesh wound.
Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc on her keyboard?
Because she wanted to speak to the Task Manager!
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Did you hear of the story of the tornado? There is a twist at the end.
"A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it."
- John Steinbeck
Don’t worry, Moher pictures are coming.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
What did the Easter bunny say about the Easter parade?It was eggs-cellent.
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
Little Johnny's teacher said,
"Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's."
"Did you copy hers?" she asked.
Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!"
What does a mermaid say when she was leaving the party?
- Sea ya later.
Why did the skeleton put on a heavy coat?
He was chillled to the bone.
Have I given you the tour of my estate yet?
It is a Vauxhall.
"Some children threaten to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going." – Phyllis Diller
What do you call dangerous precipitation?
A rain of terror.
Golfer: The doctor says I can’t play golf.
Caddie: Oh, he’s played with you, too, eh?
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Mustache.
Mustache who?
Mustache you a question, but I’ll shave it for later
Are you a card?
We're perfectly suited for each other
Lost at sea? I'm not shore.
Before I ducked out to the shops, my wife asked me to put ketchup on the shipping list.
Now I can't read it.
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
What keeps ghouls happy?
The knowledge that every shroud has a silver lining!
What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”
There are good and bad times to buy a flamingo. Bad times are when they’re expensive, the best times are when they’re cheep.
The best place to hide something is at an airport
You'd be hiding something in plane site.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
What do you call a royal giraffe?
Your highness.
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.
Winston Churchill
In the mushroom bus, one mushroom said to the other, "Please scoot over, there is not mush room."
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to answer the door?
You are in my heart, my mind, and in my entire body.
In fact, my doctor says that you must be a parasite!
Where do math teachers normally like to go on summer vacation?
Times Square.
Did you know Doctor Frankenstein used to be a lonely, lonely man?
Then he learned how to make friends.
Forget Santa, you’re on my nice list.
Go to BabaMail
