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Soil Jokes

Head Puns
So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.
It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me.
Plant Puns
A chemist plants a seed.
He takes good care of it every day. He waters it and fertilizes the soil around it. As it becomes a big and healthy tree, the chemist thinks to himself: What a good chemist-tree.
Garden Puns
Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…
Funny Poems
When I'm old and mankey.
I'll never use a hanky.
I'll wee on plants.
and soil my pants!
Father Puns
I seen my father pouring chicken soup over his compost yesterday
I suppose chicken soup IS good for the soil.
Garden Quotes
“Gardener’s recipe: one-part soil, two-parts water, three-parts wishful thinking.”
— Anonymous
"Your first job is to prepare the soil. The best tool for this is your neighbor's motorized garden tiller. If your neighbor does not own a garden tiller, suggest that he buy one."
- Dave Barry