Why would a cow want to go to space? To see the Milky Way.
What kind of car does a mouse drive?
A mini van.
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
Wanna churn butter with me?
I can heartly wait to see you.
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Where’s a donut’s favorite vacation spot?
The Sahara dessert!
Do you have to leave so soon? I was just going to poison your drink.
Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
Because they might peel.
Is that the sun coming up... or is that just you lighting up my world?
Aria free next Friday for dinner?
Why do ambulance drivers always have a partner with them?
They’re pair-a-medics.
Just look, it’s the Trifle Tower
Q: What is a tornado’s favorite Elton John song?
A: Candle in the Wind!
What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? Tequila mockingbird.
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
This Corona virus is a blessing
My wife doesn't want to travel anywhere.
She no longer buys anything online, since everything comes from China.
she doesn't go to the mall to avoid the crowds.
she spends all of her time in a mask with her mouth closed.
Best thing that has ever happened to me.
Why did the engineer cross the road?
Because he looked in the files, and that’s what they did last time.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
Arrrr. Wanna search me for buried treasure?
I was really surprised when I learned that singer Pink's favorite color was actually green. No one could have i-magenta-it.
“Is this the Spanish word for ‘nap’?” She asked, pointing to a word on the page.
“Si, está.”
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
What kind of potato do you want to take home to your parents? A sweet potato.
The strawberry was scared of the cream. They were afraid it had gone bad.
When I was young there were only 25 letters in the Alphabet. Nobody new why.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
Enough of the Corona virus jokes
We're all getting sick of them!
Do you ever wake up, kiss the person beside you and feel glad you are alive?
I just did and apparently I will not be allowed on this airline again!
I accidentally mixed up the words 'Jacuzzi' and 'Yakuza' online.
Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese Mafia.
Your infectious smile puts cholera to shame.
What do you call a weather man that destroys dinosaurs?
A meteorologist
What do you call an alligator that makes others fight?
An instigator.
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
What’s Frankenstein’s favorite food?
Frankenfurters.
Purple paper people, purple paper people, purple paper people.
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
By dropping it seven feet. It won’t break for the first six.
Five fuzzy French frogs Frolicked through the fields in France.
When single ladies get to the age of 50, they tend to get lots of cats.
This phenomenon is known as many paws.
Why did the dog cross the road?
Because he was chasing the chicken.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
Why did the blond enter the tennis courts naked?
Because the sign said tennis shoes only.
"When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life."
- Richard Lewis
Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
He was showing off his new gaming gadget, "it has the latest peach recognition technology" he said.
What’s the difference between a gross bus stop and a crab with large breasts?
One’s a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.