Shucking takes lots of corn-centration.
The last ten times I’ve been to a fancy dress party, I’ve gone as a shark.
The joke’s wearing fin.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,
he turns the dark off.
It’s your birthday, I know
But I couldn’t care less
Where is the cake, that’s the part I love best?
I understand it’s your birthday
But I am telling you now
If the cake doesn’t come soon
I’m throwing in the towel
Why did the man wear a rabbit as a hat? He didn’t want anyone to harm a Hare on his head!
What’s it like to kiss a vampire?
A real pain in the neck!
Send toast to ten tense stout saints’ ten tall tents.
What does a tornado wear under his clothes? Thunderwear!
You must be from Prague, because I can't help but Czech you out.
Why did the turkey cross the road? It was the chicken's day off!
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
Don’t give into beer pressure.
Man says to his boss, "Can we talk? I have a problem."
Boss: "Problem? No such thing, we call it an opportunity!"
Man: "Ok, I have a serious drinking opportunity."
Why do werewolves not enter the Olympics? Too high a chance of a silver medal.
What do you call a person really crazy about the moon
A lunatic.
What do you call a cow that has 1 leg? Steak
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
Books are my kind of texts.
Is your name Scarlett? Because when I saw you my heart was gone with the wind.
I'm considering becoming a cinematografur.
"Backpacking is money spent on education."
What did one werewolf say when he saw his friend?
- Howl’s it going?
Two crows land on a park bench.
They were arrested for conspiring to murder.
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
What do you call a giant mushroom? Hu-fungus.
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
What’s a skeletons favorite wrestling event?
A rib cage match.
Why did the baseball batter go crazy?
Because the pitcher only threw scewballs.
Spending time at the pool really floats my boat.
Wanna churn butter with me?
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
Do you have a name you want me to save you as on my phone or should I just put 'mine'?
What cheese cries the most?
Babybel.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
In an attempt to deter computer hackers I've changed all my passwords to 'Brazil Nut'
That will be a hard one to crack.
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
Which flower is known as the most ferocious flower? A tiger lily.
My lips are like skittles. Wanna taste the rainbow?
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
What did the large baby deer say when he met his favorite celebrity?
“I’m a big fawn!”
It's time to be like a kit-kat and split up.
What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
Why do vampires always dress so nice?
Because they’re so vein!
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
Ask for opinions.
Mull it over. Then you can.
Just do what you want.
What’s the difference between a greyhound station and a lobster with a boob job?
One’s a crusty bus-station, the other’s a busty crustacean.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite toy?
A. A bab-boom-orang.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.