oses are red, violets are blue,
Coffee is bitter, and so are you.
Excuse me, I think I'm lost. Is this the bar or the musem? You're just a piece of art.
It's true what they say about scaring vampires with a torch.
You can see it in their fright of light response.
What do cats eat for breakfast? Mice Crispies!
It’s a season of giving, so you should give me your phone number.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
What does the ginger bread man put on his bed? A cookie sheet.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
“The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He’s got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
Baby, you remind me of the constitution, because you look like a national treasure.
Which hot drinks space people like? Gravi-tea.
How do sick kangaroos get better?
They have a hoperation.
It’s so hot you can pull a leaf off a tree and iron with it.
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
What street does the hippocampus live on?
Memory lane.
Why didn't the brain want to take a bath?
Why did Noah have to punish the chickens on the Ark?
They were using fowl language.
Who holds sermons during Sunday in Italy?
The Pasta.
What do you call a fishing boat with a great stereo?
bass boat.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
What is a bunny’s motto? Don’t be mad, be hoppy!
I'm reading a horror story in Braille and something bad is about to happen...
I can feel it.
I've got something to tell you that I think you ought to know, That my eyes are on you baby.
What do you call grass that waits until the last minute to grow?
A Prograsstinator
Beach, please.
Went on a diving trip with strangers and found a sunken vessel. We're all pitching in to salvage and rebuild it.
I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friend-ship.
How about you let me take you to the Planetarium? You seem to belong there since your beauty is celestial.
"You make me egg-static."
I’m no Thomas Paine, but you and I are Common Sense.
Even Mozart couldn't make a composition as beautiful as you
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
If kisses were snowflakes, I'd send you a blizzard.
My software never has bugs.
It just develops random features.
Who’s there?
Can!
Can who?
Can Of Worms!
I’m like a boomerang. I just keep coming back to you.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
How do you get an Art Major off your front door step?
Pay for the PIZZA!
If this new covid vaccine works...
...It'll be a real shot in the arm for 2021.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
Just like I never play with poop, I promise you that I will never play with your heart.
Cooking is bad for my anxiety.
I had to throw away my pressure cooker.
Stop looking for the perfect match..
Use a lighter!
What do you give a panda when it is sick?
Pandadol.
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
"Some people have no guts."
Are you a florist? Cause ever since I met you, my life has been Rosey.
“Only married people can understand how you can be miserable and happy at the same time." —Chris Rock
If we were binary, you’d be the one for me.
A fellow jumped off a high wall,
And had a most terrible fall.
He went back to bed,
With a bump on his head,
That's why you don't jump off a wall.