A little less fight and a little more spark, close your mouth and open your heart.
Volleyball is air affair. This would be a good motto for your team.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
When he was chewing the skeleton, the wolf got to a point and laughed. I guess that was the funny bone.
Where in the World Can You Find the Highest Concentration of Engineers?
Antarctica! Because that's where all the P. Enguins are!
Do you know why do the hipsters burn their tongue? It is because they eat their soup before it gets cool.
Ham and Eggs: A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
The first rule of Tautology club is the first rule of Tautology club.
Remember the band that did that rock cover of “walk like an Egyptian’ by The Bangles?
Pharaohsmith.
There was an Old Man of the West,
Who wore a pale plum-coloured vest;
When they said, 'Does it fit?'
He replied, 'Not a bit!'
That uneasy Old Man of the West.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
Tne thing you won't catch a vampire ordering in a restaurant is a stake sandwich.
When the bread started crying because it was toast, the loaf told him, "You deserve butter."
The fact that there is a highway to hell, and only a staircase to heaven
Says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.
What's green and wears a cape?
Super Pickle.
What would a peach say to its girlfriend or boyfriend? – “You will always have a peach of my heart, baby!”
Why did the blonde skier only wear one boot?
Channel 7's weatherman said there was a 50% chance of snow.
Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Oh, nevermind. It was over your head...
What do you call a monk who steals a grilled cheese sandwich right off the griddle?
Out of the frying pan and into the friar.
“Millionaires don't use Astrology, billionaires do.”
― J.P. Morgan
Ask for opinions.
Mull it over. Then you can.
Just do what you want.
What do you call a diving dog?
A sub woofer.
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
What did the jockey respond when someone asked to ride his horse?
“Dis-mount is mine.”
What do you call a gorilla in a cement-mixer?
King Koncrete.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese!
Why did the scientist use a drink container to communicate with dolphins?
Because a bottle knows dolphin.
What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
Best in snow.
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
What happens when and ice cube gets angry?
It boils with anger, then lets off some steam.
R2D2 is the most obscene character in film history
They had to beep out every word he said.
A man gives his wife an expensive bottle of wine for her birthday. After a few glasses the wife blurts out, “I love you”.
The husband responds: “Is that you or the wine talking?”
Wife: “This is me, talking to the wine.”
What’s the super-confusing way that pigs say I love you? “I a-boar-you.”
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
If you eat too many cherries, you can sometimes end up with digestive issues. It really is the pits.
Want to lock our bikes together?
What does a millennial cowboy say?
Yeet Haw!
What has one horn and gives milk?
A milk truck.
What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!
If this new covid vaccine works...
...It'll be a real shot in the arm for 2021.
A lemon got a job in a vinegar factory last week...
Starting salary was $15 per sour.
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said...
"You know, one would have been enough."
So I was cleaning my spice cabinet...
and now I have a lot of thyme on my hands!
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
What do you call bacon with salt on it?
Salt and Peppa.
It’s too bad the man couldn’t quit his job at the bakery. He really kneaded the dough.
“To hike is to complain.” – Dean Johnston