Why are crows so interesting?
Just beCAWse
What does a tornado wear under his clothes? Thunderwear!
In another town, the cowboy rides in wearing a paper suit. Paper pants, paper jacket, paper chaps. Even a paper holster!
He wasn't in town ten minutes before he was arrested for rustling.
Are you an alien? Because I believe you’ve abducted my heart.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Irish!
Irish who?
Irish you a happy St. Patrick's Day!
I hope your day is as radiant as your smile.
Why did the log fall into a creek? Because that's how it ROLLS!
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
Chuck Norris caught COVID.
But then he felt bad, so he let it go.
What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it? Post Office!
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
He named the street he built after his wife.
It was very apt, as she was cold, hard, cracked and only got ploughed around Christmas.
I used to be a boy trapped in a woman’s body. But after 9 long months, I was finally born!
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
Seven days without a pun makes one weak.
"You are a smart cookie. A wise chocolate cake. A brilliant pancake.” - Rey Woodman
What do you get if cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?
A turtle-neck jumper.
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
Why was the glow worm unhappy ?
Because her children weren’t that bright !
Why was the bread actor so unhappy?
She lost out on a juicy roll.
There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language.
But I could never string together enough words to properly express how beautiful you are.
The feeling you get when you think you have heard these cow puns before is known as deja-mooo.
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
What did the bus driver say to the frog?
Hop on.
You must be Saturn Because I feel attracted to you even when I’m a million miles away!
What did the structural engineer say to the architect? Nice buttress.
"I wasn’t kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth." — Chico Marx
Of all the planets in all the solar systems in all the galaxies, I'm so lucky you walked into mine
Even though there's no ball game on tonight, we can still slam it.
“A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.”
– Carl Reiner
"Some people would fall in or out of love with you if you lose or gain a few kilos."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
I am really good with PowerPoint because I Excel at it.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.
I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.
If I was an operating system, your process would have top priority.
What do you call a hamster in between two slices of bread?
A ham sandwich.
“Misers are no fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.” —Tom Snyder
The tiger asked his longtime friend, "Will you be my tigerlfriend."
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
"A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places."
– Tom Lichtenheld
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
Why was John always at the casino? He’s addicted to gambling.
A lot of William Shakespeare’s plays were based off of old Greek and Roman performances
That's playgarism if you ask me.
Young goats should be careful when they're out and and about and shouldn't jump into a stranger's car.
That's how you get kidnapped.
What's all wet and likes to shake? It's an earthquake on a rainy day.
Why doesn't Daniel Tosh eat Hot Dogs? He can't find the zipper