Why was the old computer sad?
Because it had a floppy disk.

Why don’t we use some Fourier analysis on our relationship and reduce to a series of simple periodic functions?

What did the wife beaver say to her astronaut husband? You are otter this world.

How do you spot a car made by Apple?

It does not have Windows.

It's weird being colorblind in an art gallery. Everything's a pigment of the imagination.

One evening I wrote to John and I guess I was expressing my frustrations with not having enough time as I had a briefcase full of work to do that evening. Jaymac, in his wisdom, sent me back the following funny but inspirational poem:

Briefcase with an Engine
Poet: John McLeod

Fit your briefcase with an engine
Go skateboarding in the sun
Loop the loop, do aerobatics,
Laugh a lot and have great fun!

'Cook a snook' at paper empires
Save a forest, every tree
And remember, above all,
To do it happily!

It reminded me life is too short to let work frustrate me. Reading John's words of wisdom helped relieve my stress as I found myself smiling when I finished reading the poem. And, smiling and laughing is a great stress reliever!

Many times during my career I let my work control my life. Looking back at the times where I allowed my work to create stress and frustration in my life I now realize what I thought was important really was not. I am not say

Love is a sensation, caused by a temptation, to feel penetration, a guy sticks his location in a girl’s destination, to increase the population for the next generation. Did you get my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?

What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
The xylobone.

“I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died” — Malcolm Forbes

Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!

“I never realized how annoying I could be until I created a miniature version of myself and started arguing with it daily.” — Anonymous

A strawberry usually gets stuck often when it gets jammed.

What’s black and white and yellow?
A cowardly panda.

I’m ready to shamrock and roll.

When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.

Listen to them, children of the night. Let’s give them some competition.

Make it rein.

Knock knock. Who's there?
You're.
You're who?
You're single again.

What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.

Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha

It was so cold when I turned on the shower, I got hail.

What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.

What did the nurse at the blood bank say to the nervous patient?
B positive

Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.

What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!

I left my job at the Chinese restaurant and took my favourite frying pan, until I heard the owner yell...
"Don’t wok away from me!"

The only good pun is a dad pun
but who am I kidding?

My four year old has been learning Spanish all year and still can't say the word please.
Which I think is poor for four.

What do you call someone who rips up books?
A tear-orist.

You can forget about winning, princess. Because even Cinderella can’t get to this ball.

Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.

Why do men name their penises? Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90 percent of their decisions.

Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.

Has Covid-19 forced you to wear glasses and a mask at the same time?
You may be entitled to condensation.

How will you come to know when the moon will go broke? It would happen when moon is down to its last quarter.

What did the astronaut see in his frying pan?
An Unidentified Frying Object.

Sorry for cutting you in line, I was hoping you believe in love at first sight.

Why did the boy keep his trumpet in the freezer?
Because he likes cool music...

What do Ents wear to the beach?
Sandalwood.
What do they use to get a tan?
Palm oil.

I can't believe I can't see the bottom of the ocean.
It's unfathomable.

Were you a member of the Boy Scouts? You’ve tangled up my heart.

What do cows in Greece sound like?
They say µ.

What is at the end of a rainbow?
The letter W.

Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by you again?

What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!

In order to get an accurate count of the herd, the farmer uses a cow-culator.

Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Tamara.

Tamara who?

Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!

“I tried to look up impotence on the Internet, but nothing came up.”

May the mass times acceleration be with you.