A new men's cologne is in development which smells of electric eels shocking a Silicon Valley giant.
Its called Eel-on Musk.
What did the tuna say to her overzealous partner?
I think we need to scale things back here.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a Dutchman are all on a zoom call.
The four men are all on a zoom call with their boss. Their boss asks “Can you see me?” and they respond
“Yes”
“Oui”
“Si”
“Ja”
There was a knock at the door this morning. I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep.
I thought, "I'd better let this sink in."
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
Whats in a camels favorite cup of tea?
Camelmile
Me, to my wife: They said that the Covid vaccines are safe and has no side effects.
My wife: Who did?
Me: Yep.
There once was a [person] from [place]
Whose [body part] was [special case].
When [event] would occur,
It would cause [him or her]
To violate [law of time/space]
You make my heart skip a beet.
My neighbours listen to terrific music... Whether they like it or not.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Frank
Frank who?
Frank you for being my friend!
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
I tried looking up ice cream puns on the Internet...
But then my browser froze.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
I bring my knees to my head and lean forwards.
That's just how I roll.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
Building a good makeup design always starts with a good foundation.
He is a humble husband. Unlike others, he never blows his crumpet after making breakfast for his wife everyday.
Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?
Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Hey, are you Oscar? Because I really want to win you...
Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk past again?
What kind of pet fish did the skeleton have?
A bonefish.
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
John, you have so much po(tato)tential!
Hi, I'm Mr. Right.
Did you hear about the submarine industry?
It really took a dive...
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
“Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance.” – Sir Claus Moser
Two fruit flies are out for dinner.
I'm really enjoy this date...”
“Yeah, but it’s only half rotten.”
Q. Who walks around the suburbs trying to sell venison meat?
A. A deer-to-door salesmant.
"Another glass? Wine not?!"
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
What do rodents say when they play bingo?
‘Eyes down for a full mouse’!
What do you call a flying cheese?
A curd of prey.
He came, he thawed, he conquered.
"I whip my hare back and forth."
When is a turkey scary?
When it's a goblin.
“I only go to yoga to drink wine, so I’m good. I just throw the calories right back in.” – Kaley Cuoco
Which one of your children will never grow up and move away? Your husband. How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it.
What is it about birthdays that make kangaroos unhappy?
They only get to celebrate them in leap years.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
Q: What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks?
A: Fowl weather.
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
How to scare kids away in the night
Want to give them a really big fright?
Go hide in the closet
They'll leave a deposit
When the boogieman busts out tonight.
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
Fall arrives, and all hell bakes loose.
Why can’t you ever tell a joke around glass?
It could crack up.