What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
What do neurons do on their birthdays?
They cell-ebrate
Man: I'd go to the ends of the world for you!
Woman: Okay, but would you stay there?
"I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge."
— Unknown
I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said, “Homer’s the big dude and Marge has blue hair...”
If Princess Toad looked liked you, I would have killed Bowser years ago.
Why would a judge make a good tooth fairy?
Because they want the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth.
Ana hits a lot of floating shots that her opponents destroy for winners. We need to sitter down and have a talk.
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.
"Don't worry, be hoppy."
What do you get when you throw lettuce into the ocean?
I don't know lettuce sea.
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
Why is it so expensive to run a submarine?
It's the depth charges.
“Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.”
Robert Benchley
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
Dang girl, are you an angel? Because you are dead to me.
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
It’s so hot even the artificial flowers are dying.
What name does Santa Claus use when he takes a break from delivering gifts? Santa Pause!
What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
Mos-cat-o!
I’ve heard of fraudsters before, but that was one heck of a unique-con if I ever saw one.
My friend impresses girls by drawing realistic pictures of trucks. He's a pickup artist!
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth? Hard cheese!
I’m not a photographer, but I can definitely picture your number on my phone.
When Mr. Mushroom saw Miss Mushroom, he didn’t hesitate to ask her out on a date because he had she was such a fungi-rl.
I went to a mansion but everyone had bad etiquette.
It was a Bad Manor.
My attitude isn't bad.
It's in beta phase.
What did the flower say to the flower next to him? Move over bud!
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
There once was a vicar at Kew
Who kept his pet cat in a pew.
He taught it to speak
alphabetical Greek,
but it never got farther than µ.
Can you feel that universal energy flowing from me to you?
The reason the cow wore a bell around her neck was because her horn didn’t work anymore.
Mom: Did you watch the movie with the little pumpkins?
Dad: I stopped it early because it was too gourdy for me.
I think you are a horror movie because I can't sleep when I think about you.
What do you give prisoners for dessert? Jaily-Beans.
A bowl of salad went to church
Lettuce pray.
You're like baseball: You make me all nervous
WOOD you tell give some wood puns?
What do you get when you combine a kangaroo with a donkey?
A Kick-Ass
Why do trolls live under bridges?
To troll goats!
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A horrible boating accident.
Why shouldn’t you trust a guy who claims he “wears the pants”?
He probably lies about other stuff too.
"One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, nothin' can beat teamwork."
- Edward Abbey
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
Excuse me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can you do the same?
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
Why did the orange turn into orange juice?
It couldn’t handle the pressure.