I bet you are the earth and I am the sun because you become hotter as we get closer.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.The Peach President lost the presidential race because he got im-peached.
The only thing brighter than the sun on this track is your smile.
Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school? Because they're all in High School!
I'm working on a Yosemite Sam video game.
But it has a lot of Bugs.
Hey girl… Can I call-cu-later?
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
Here’s my number. Send me a text when you’re ready to fall in love with me.
Sleigh my name, sleigh my name.
Why do we put candles on the top of birthday cakes?
Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom.
You must be related to Alfred Nobel because baby you are dynamite!
Why did the two slices of bread disappear in the middle of the night? They wanted to e-loaf together.
“I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention." ~Ron Kittle
What do you call a solar powered keyboard?
A photosynthesiser
Has anyone told you you have the best smile ever? Honestly, its Nat-a-lie!
"You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you’re married to a couch that burps." - Roseanne Barr
Don’t be hay-tin on autumn!
Just so you know I have a ref full of chocolate, a couch and good films at my house.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Police.
Police who?
Police stop telling these awful knock-knock jokes!
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
What do you think holds the moon up? Moonbeams.
“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”—Spike Milligan
Today my son drew a picture of a kangaroo without a body.
I couldn't make heads or tails of it.
What did Papa Pig shout at his kids in the car?
“Stop swining! We’re nearly there.”
It’s a winterful day!
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
Baby you be the tree and I'll wrap around you like a koala bear.
Why doesn’t Sweden export its cattle?
It wants to keep its Stockholm.
Why did the baker quit making donuts?
Because he was fed up with the hole business!
Whoa, Domi-nice pics you got there
Why do eggs hate jokes? Because they could crack up.
“To a small child, the perfect grandad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo”.—Robert Breault
How do ghosts find out their future? They read their horror-scopes.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
The chicken couldn’t be bothered anymore.
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
“Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women; a little bit of support and a little bit of freedom.” - Jerry Seinfeld
Are you an onion? Cause I want to peel your layers.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing?
“I’m not a people porcine.”
I like telling dad jokes.
Sometimes he laughs.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake!
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
What do you call the last skeleton on earth?
The end-o skeleton.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
"A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows."
- Doug Larson
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
I like you a lily bit more every day.
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? He wanted to get to the bottom.