What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultry-geist.
What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel? Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!
"A Taurus always appears to be calm and steady, even when they feel like punching you in the face."
— Unknown
Why did the banana go to see the doctor? The banana was not peeling very well.
What did the rainwater say as it ran off the road.
Grate.
You're such a treat that I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me.
What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
My father was a blind carpenter
until he picked up his hammer and saw.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
Thank god I'm wearing gloves because you are too hot to handle.
With all this spare time on their hands people are going to start pursuing their passions. I wouldn't be surprised to sudden explosion in the arts, a renewal in scientific interest, and a mass proliferation of original content.
A coronaissance, if you will.
Hello my name is lettuce, and I was going to the grocery store...
Ah, I’m getting ahead of myself
What do you call a Mexican unicorn? Junicorn.
Why was the penguin so annoying?
Because he was always fishing for complements.
"Run like there's a hot guy in front of you and a creepy one behind you."
Unknown
So in my trip to Spain i got attacked by a bull.
Oh man that's spainful.
Is your iPad making you fall asleep?
I can help—there’s a nap for that.
Bookworms take shelfies.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dwayne.
Dwayne who?
Dwayne the bathtub, It’s overflowing!
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
We’re calling your number.
Apparently Dracula sets up a password for every website so he can click on Your Account.
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
“I bought a new jacket for a hiking trip. It’s called a trail blazer.”
What did Dracula say to the priest who visited his castle?
Don’t you ever cross me!
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak?
Mouse code!
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
Are you a booger? Because I want to pick you first.
Which car is a Ghost’s favourite? It is between a Boogatti or a Rolls-Royce Phantom.
What did the fruit lover say after he met a girl?
I’ve got a date
A wolfswagon rabbit is by far the best car you can gift a wolf.
Dog Joke: What do you call a Collie with a mango on it's back?
Mango Lassie.
Within minutes, the detective figured out what the murder weapon was.
It was a brief case.
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
How sweet is only for girls?
Her-shey’s kisses.
I told my friend that our old school friend is coming to attend St Patrick's feast. She was surprised. She asked, "O'Reilly?"
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks “why the long face?”.
The horse replies “My wife is leaving me and I just got fired."
Why did the orange come back after it was thrown in the garbage?
It was a boom-orange.
“If any of you cry at my funeral I’ll never speak to you again.”
Stan Laurel
“Let’s begin by taking a smallish nap or two.”
– A. A. Milne (Winnie the Pooh)
Seven days without playing soccer can make one weak.
How could the skeleton tell that rain was coming?
He could feel it in his bones.
People don't believe me when I tell them I'm the lead singer in a Black Eyed Peas tribute band....
Well I am.
Did you hear about the sheep's jousting tournament?
It was a real baa-lancing act.
What is small, furry and brilliant at sword fights?
A mouseketeer!
I really like the Lion King
and every day the urge to sing one of the songs is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.
The owner of the inside inn was inside his inside inn with his inside outside his inside inn.