"Bee and Bee"
The bumblebee buzzes
From flower to flower
As does the humblebee,
But with head bowed lower.
– Patrick Winstanley
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing—that’s why we recommend it daily.”
— Zig Ziglar
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
They had us working like dogs at work after a storm
All I did was pick up sticks and bark.
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Want.
Want who?
Want, who ... three, four, five!
Are you from the U.K.? Because I want U, K?
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
What time do werewolf Cowboys have a shootout?
High Moon!
Your Zygomaticus Major is the best thing that I have witnessed.
I made a snap decision to watch football today
when I’m with you.
There are lots of funny jokes about mushrooms that can give you stitches. However, you need to be patient enough because they need time to grow on you.
Are you tired? Because you've been running through my mind all day with a frisbee in your mouth.
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate?
A Kitty Kat bar.
Do those legs go all the way? Because you should use them to go away.
Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment.
Betty White
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
The Beavers have the ugliest house in the neighborhood.
It’s a dam shame.
If you look at the map of my heart, it says 'You are here.'
Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you are Cu-Te.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
Flamingos can be a bit of a daring bunch. In fact, they always fly by the seat of their pants.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Amish!
Amish who?
You're not a shoe!
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
Why was the scuba diver failing Biology? Because he was below "C" level.
Haida there, gorgeous.
What's the difference between sanitizer and moisturizer?
One will burn your eyes, the other will moisturize.
I can out here for an easy run, but you make my heart do speed work
Why did the giraffe graduate early?
He was head and shoulders above the rest of the class.
Q. Why did the gorilla cross the road?
A. To get to the monkey biz on the other side.
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
“Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.”—John Peer
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." Charles M. Schulz, creator of Peanuts
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
It’s bad luck to be superstitious.
Whenever I see you my heart races. I hope to win first place.
I caught my son chewing on an electrical cord...
So I had to ground him. He's conducting himself properly now.
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
A tutor who taught on the flute,
tried to teach two young tooters to toot.
Said the two to the tutor,
"Is it harder to toot or,
to tutor two tooters to toot?"
When his wife was preparing his favorite chocolate cake, the baseball player said "Batter Up.
I guess I’m going to France
Because I have nothing Toulouse.
Who does a Karen yell at if her computer isn't working?
The task manager.
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
Hi! Tell me a funny story about your dog. I know you've got one.
I really like corn, but I can't find it because this time of year it's never in stalk
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee