How many grams of protein are there in that slice of chocolate pie? 3.14159265.
What did the tailor think of her new job? It was sew sew.
No one really enjoys crying wolf. However, the boy did cry just to get a howling experience.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commentater!
I had a salad pun, but I tossed it
If you think it's hard to meet new people, pick up the wrong golf ball on the course sometimes.
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
Your treat or mine?
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
What do you get when you dump your Easter eggs on a hill?
A spring roll!
How did the koala bear get the high-paying job? He met all of the koalafications.
If a hole isn't full of water then it isn't feeling well
The man who survived pepper spray and mustard gas is now a seasoned veteran
Roses are red, violets are blue. My heart began to beat when I first saw you.
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
Are you my training plan? Because I'll go as long as you tell me to.
The number of followers you have doesn't make you better than anyone else. Hitler had millions, Jesus had 12. -- Anonymous
I'm really determined and keen,
To start giving this house a spring clean.
I will do it I say,
Yes, I'll do it today,
Well, I'll do it tomorrow, I mean.
Why do men prefer blondes? Because they like intellectual companionship.
Young goats should be careful when they're out and and about and shouldn't jump into a stranger's car.
That's how you get kidnapped.
Are you heading to India? 'Cause I'd Goa anywhere with you!
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
What do you say to a kangaroo on its birthday?
Hoppy Birthday.
What is the best way to make gold soup? By adding 22 carrots in it.
I did it! Dad said to save my money til my balance looks like a phone number.....
Available balance: $9.11.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity and it’s impossible to put down.
Son: "Dad, what's the difference between confident and confidential?"
Dad: "Hmmm. Well, you are my son. Of that I am confident. Your friend Timmy is also my son. That's confidential."
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
If I live to a hundred and two, I won't let nobody sting me but you
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Butch.
Butch who?
Butch your arms around me and give me a hug.
Why can't the Christmas tree stand up? It doesn't have legs.
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
You make my heart race, and there is no finish line.
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
How do you drown a submarine full of blonds?
You knock on the door.
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
What do you call a bee you can't understand? A mumble bee.
(On a rainy day) I figured out why the sky was grey today...all the blue is in your eyes.
You must be copper because I always cu in my dreams.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
What do you call an amazing day up a mountain? A peak experience.
Juvenile Court Tries Shooting Defendant
Why do farmers make terrible comedians?
Their jokes are corny!
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sorry to say,
I’m not into you.
What did the pig say on a hot summer’s day?
I’m bacon!
Whom did the cheesy Bible start with? Edam and Eve.
What do red berries say during the season they love best? Cherry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous