When fishing, is there ever a good reason to take the worm off the hook?
I guess that’s debaitable.

What was the worm doing in the cornfield?
He was going in one ear and out the other!

Thirty-three thousand feathers on a thrushes throat.

When does a hot dog have a close shave? At the barber-cue!

I know I’m not supposed to judge a book by its cover, but one glance at you and I’m already interested.

Sloths never kiss on the first date, they take it slow.

What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!

Why did some cardinals get their feathers ruffled?
The Pope gave away the church’s nest egg to the poor.

You'll never be as well dressed as I, but I'm willing to give you second place.

What do fruit wear when they go swimming? A one-peach bathing suit.

Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.

Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to screw in the bulb and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.

My grandfather had the heart of a tiger
And a lifetime ban at the zoo

Ship Captain: Guys, I need help. I don’t remember how to write 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I Captain.

My d**k is committed to you, but my heart is not.

I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”

A family of beavers were walking across a river. During that time, the dad said to the family: “Dam it.”

"What did the yogi tell the door-to-door salesperson who came to his home selling vacuum cleaners? Too many attachments!"

- Sadhana Yoga

How many prison guards does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they just beat the room for being black.

Why did the boy keep his trumpet in the freezer?
Because he likes cool music...

Roofs of mushrooms rarely mush too much.

Baseball Fan: Have you ever seen a line drive?
Blond Baseball Fan: No, but I have seen a baseball park.

Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.

"I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll be glad to make an exception."

Bro, are you a submarine?
Because you're so gnar.

How do you spot a radical baker?
They’re always going against the grain.

Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.

What do you call a gorilla with a million dollars?
A gorillanaire

What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open toad sandals.

What do you call 2 fruits that can't get married?
Cantelopes.

Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.

What does Darth Vader say when he plays volleyball? May the spike be with you.

How do sheep greet each other during the holidays? Fleece Navidad!

You must put a lot of spices in your food because you look smoking hot.

Knock knock!

Who's there?

Aldo.

Aldo who?

Aldo anything for you.

“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”—Rita Rudner

Ciabatta stay away from me because I don’t want naan of that. That’s one way to tell someone to keep away.

The reason he went smiling all the way to the jail is because the judge sentenced him to a life behind chocolate bars.

“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”

- Robert Brault

Busy buzzing bumble bees.

Why are nuns such great sprint runners?
'Cause they're used to being chaste.

"Grandma's On The Dancefloor"

Grandma's on the dancefloor
Shaking what she's got.
If it don't shake, it wobbles,
And boy, does it wobble a lot.

The old moves don't come easy
Even though she's got new hips.
She swings them almost freely now,
And you can barely hear them click.

Grandad's in the corner,
Sipping on his beer.
Will he shake his booty?
My Grandad - No fear!

Grandma means the world to him,
And he's her Mr. Right.
He's the one who'll walk her home,
The one she'll kiss goodnight.

My sister just got married,
And the party's in full sway.
She's hand in hand with Grandma
Twisting the night away.

Sister pulls Gran closer
To make sure that she's listening.
Then Grandma stops and shouts aloud
"We're going to have a Christening."

– Graham Craven

Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.

What do you call a bully on Halloween? A jerk-o-lantern.

Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.

Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker

My real costume is at home in a box under my bed.