Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
Why didn’t the lamp sink?
It was too light.
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.
What do you call a bee that lives in America? USB
What did the tie say to the hat? A. You go on ahead and I'll hang around
What event do spiders love to attend?
Webbings.
What stays on the ground but never gets dirty? Shadow.
Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people's arms off? It was a vicious cycle.
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
Batman walks into a superhero-only pool, he is quickly stopped by a guard, the guard points to a sign that says
"No swimming without supervision."
What runs but can't walk? The faucet!
Do you know why diarrhea is hereditary? Because it runs through your jeans. What would you do if I stole a kiss? Call the Police
What do you call a snowman with a six pack? An abdominal snowman.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it? Post Office!
Did you hear about the kidnapping? He woke up.
What did the man say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster ya!
Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? Because she couldn't control her pupils?
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will Let it go.
19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.
Little Johnny's teacher said,
"Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's."
"Did you copy hers?" she asked.
Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!"
What caused the airline to go bankrupt? Runway inflation.
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion
Did you hear about the hairdresser? She dyed.
Which is the longest word in the dictionary? "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"!
Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind. I don't want to spread it around
Why did the giraffe get bad grades? He had his head in the clouds.
What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs? A penny.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
What kind of jokes do you make in the shower? Clean Jokes!
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".
Did you hear about the paper boy? He blew away
What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? Guardians of the Galaxy.
What does Minnie Mouse drive?
A Minnie van!
Why did the log fall into a creek? Because that's how it ROLLS!
What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.
Did you know a nose cannot be 12 inches long?
Otherwise it’d be a foot!
Who earns a living driving their customers away? A taxi driver. What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise? LMAYO
Did you hear about the new Johnny Depp movie? It's the one rated Arrrr!
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller.
What washes up on very small beaches? Microwaves!
How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
Shocked!
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog! What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon? A sour puss!
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? He wanted to get to the bottom.
What do you get when you cross a lawyer with the Godfather? An offer you can't understand.
Why are chefs so mean? They beat eggs and whip cream.
What did the leopard say after eating his owner? Man, that hit the "spot."