How many books can you put in an empty backpack? One! After that its not empty!
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because they take too long to iron!
Why did the birdie go to the hospital? To get a tweetment.
Q: What is a dentist's favorite animal?
A: A molar bear!
What do you call a condiment with a hit single? a must"heard"
How do you communicate with a fish? Drop him a line!
Why do birds fly south for the winter? Its easier than walking!
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
Knock Knock
Who's There?
I eat grape.
I eat grape who?
You eat grey poo!
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They’re always stuffed!
What did the earth say to all the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
Little Johnny's teacher said,
"Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's."
"Did you copy hers?" she asked.
Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!"
Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His trousers fit him like a glove.
What’s a snake’s strongest subject in school?
Hiss-tory.
What is considered the tallest building in the world?
The library, because it has so many stories.
What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".
Why didn't the 11 year old go to the pirate movie? because it was rated arrrrr!
Which is the building is the largest? The library because it has the most stories.
The opposite of isolate is...
yousoearly.
What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? It barked with de-light!
Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered
Why did the belt go to jail? Because it held up a pair of pants!
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
'I've lost five dollars,' sobbed Johnny.
'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.'
Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever.
'Now what is it ?' asked his dad.
'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten dollars!'
A bunch of vampire hunters needed to talk
So they scheduled a stakeholders meeting.
Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? Because the cow has the utter.
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
What goes up when the rain comes down? An umbrella.
Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A: To get a root canal.
Can I tell you a joke about paper. Nah, never mind, its tearable.
When I was young there were only 25 letters in the Alphabet. Nobody new why.
How did the baby tell her mom that she had a wet diaper?
She sent her a pee-mail.
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny!
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
When do you stop at green and go at red? When you're eating a watermelon!
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
Why did the balloon burst? Because is saw a lolly pop.
Why did the computer break up with the internet? There was no "Connection".
What four letters will frighten a burglar? O I C U Where does bad light go? To prism!
What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine? it wooden go!
What do you call a bear with no socks on? Bare-foot.
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!
Why did the belt get arrested? He held up a pair of pants.
What did they baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where’s pop corn?
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
What do you call a person that chops up cereal. a cereal killer.
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles.