What was the seal's favorite subject in school?
ART ART ART!
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha
Why did the giraffe get bad grades? He had his head in the clouds.
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
Why did Tony go out with a prune? Because he couldn't find a date!
What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in? A water
What garment are you most likely to spot a house in?
Address
What do you call a ghosts mom and dad? Transparents
How does a suit put his child into bed?
He tux him in.
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
What do you do if someone rolls their eyes at you?
Roll them back.
Did you hear about the two bed bugs who met in the mattress? They got married in the spring.
Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
Q: What does a dentist do during an earthquake?
A: She braces herself!
Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller.
What's the first bet that most people make in their lives? the alpha bet
Why did the traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His trousers fit him like a glove.
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.
Did you hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica? It's dread-full.
What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
What do you get when you cross a lawyer with the Godfather? An offer you can't understand.
What do you call a window that raps? 2PANEZ
The opposite of isolate is...
yousoearly.
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!
Did you hear about the guy who died when an axe fell on him? The police are calling it an axe-i-dent.
What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you'll rise and shine!
Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin? They both depend on the batter.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What is considered the tallest building in the world?
The library, because it has so many stories.
Whens the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty
Why didn't the 11 year old go to the pirate movie? because it was rated arrrrr!
Why couldn't the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!
Do you know how many famous men and women were born on your birthday?
None, only babies.
Did you hear about the sick juggler? They say he couldnt stop throwing up!
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
Shocked!
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent? Show me the honey!
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
Why was the weightlifter upset?
She worked with dumbbells.
Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk? Because he wanted to work over-time!
I’m sick of martial arts.
I have kung flu.
Batman walks into a superhero-only pool, he is quickly stopped by a guard, the guard points to a sign that says
"No swimming without supervision."
What happened when a faucet, a tomato and lettuce were in a race? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? It barked with de-light!
What did one math book say to the other?
I’ve got so many problems.
What did one plate say to the other? Dinners on me