How do you communicate with a fish? Drop him a line!
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? Because he had no-body to go with.
Where does bad light go? PRISM!
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
Do you know why diarrhea is hereditary? Because it runs through your jeans. What would you do if I stole a kiss? Call the Police
Q: What did one tooth say to the other tooth?
A: Thar's gold in them fills!
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? He got stuck in Orbit.
What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup? Firecrackers!
What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird!
What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? Guardians of the Galaxy.
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
Why is your foot more special than your other body parts? Because they have their own soul. What is heavy forward but not backward? Ton.
What do you call a bee that lives in America? USB
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear
What four letters will frighten a burglar? O I C U Where does bad light go? To prism!
What do you call a magician that lost his magic?
Ian.
What do you call a ghosts mom and dad? Transparents
Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon? Because he was a paleontologist.
What does Minnie Mouse drive?
A Minnie van!
What is considered the tallest building in the world?
The library, because it has so many stories.
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
What's the first bet that most people make in their lives? the alpha bet
What dog keeps the best time? A watch dog.
Can February march?
No, but April may.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent? Show me the honey!
Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
What pet makes the loudest noise? A trum-pet!
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.
How does a church congregation defend against an attack by Galactic Imperial Stormtroopers?
They use the pew, pew-pew pews.
Why was the robot mad? People kept pushing its buttons.
Batman walks into a superhero-only pool, he is quickly stopped by a guard, the guard points to a sign that says
"No swimming without supervision."
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?
Their own.
What has one horn and gives milk?
A milk truck.
Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack? An abdominal snowman.
Q: What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?
A: I hear the doctor is taking us out tonight!
What event do spiders love to attend?
Webbings.
Why did the traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
Why couldn't the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!
Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!
Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school? Because they're all in High School!
Why did the belt go to jail? Because it held up a pair of pants!
Where do crayons go on vacation? Color-ado!
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
What scares a caterpillar?
A dog-erpillar!
What did Delaware? a New Jersey