Why did the two 4's skip lunch? They already 8 (ate).
What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you'll rise and shine!
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: He was feeling really crumbie!
Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
Why can’t you ever tell a joke around glass?
It could crack up.
I’m sick of martial arts.
I have kung flu.
What do you call it when your nose is stuffy at the rodeo?
Cowboy Boogie.
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
Why did the God of Thunder need to stretch his muscles so much when he was a kid?
He was a little Thor.
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion.
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!
Did you ever hear about that movie constipation? It never came out.
Q: What did the judge say to the dentist?
A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
If there’s an invasion army of endless flies attacking, who you gonna call?
The fly S.W.A.T. Team!
Did you know vampires aren’t real?
Unless you Count Dracula.
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
What’s the most expensive kind of fish?
A gold fish.
When I was young there were only 25 letters in the Alphabet. Nobody new why.
Who earns a living driving their customers away? A taxi driver. What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise? LMAYO
What did the leopard say after eating his owner? Man, that hit the "spot."
What game does the sky love to play?
Twister.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
Shocked!
Why did the belt get arrested? He held up a pair of pants.
Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon? Because he was a paleontologist.
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them
Why did the birdie go to the hospital? To get a tweetment.
What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks. Where do bees go to the bathroom? At the BP station!
What’s Thanos’ favorite app to talk to friends?
Snap chat.
What do you call a condiment with a hit single? a must"heard"
What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
What did one math book say to the other?
I’ve got so many problems.
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
Learning how to collect trash wasn’t hard.
I just picked it up as I went along.
What word looks the same backwards and upside down? Swims
Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind. I don't want to spread it around
What kind of jokes do you make in the shower? Clean Jokes!
What do you call a bee that lives in America? USB
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His trousers fit him like a glove.
Why doesn't iron form a good bond with other metals?
Because it has rust issues!
Where did the computer go to dance? To a disc-o.
What did one plate say to the other? Dinners on me
Where do cows go on December 31st?
A moo year’s eve party.
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his parents were in a jam!
Q: When does a doctor get mad?
A: When he runs out of patients!
What did the triangle say to the circle? Your pointless!
Why did the cake grow a daisy?
It was made with flower.