How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.
Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
Why do sharks swim in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.
What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day? A Frisbee.
What pet makes the loudest noise? A trum-pet!
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky.
What do you cal purple when it is being mean? Violent.
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha
Why do birds fly south for the winter? Its easier than walking!
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
What do you get when you plant kisses? Tu-lips (two-lips)
What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark? Flood lights!
If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware? Idaho... Alaska!
What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer? The Space bar!
Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? Because she couldn't control her pupils?
What did the snowman ask the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Did you hear about that new broom? It's sweeping the nation!
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
What do you call a dentist in the army? A drill sergeant
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go MOO!
Did you hear about the sick juggler? They say he couldnt stop throwing up!
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
Q: Why did the king go to the dentist?
A: To get his teeth crowned!
What do you get when you cross a lawyer with the Godfather? An offer you can't understand.
Q: What did the judge say to the dentist?
A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
Why are pirates called pirates? Cause they arrrrr.
Where does bad light go? PRISM!
Q: What did one tooth say to the other tooth?
A: Thar's gold in them fills!
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving? A turkey!
Did you hear about the kidnapping? He woke up.
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
Why can't you take a nap during a race? Because if you snooze, you loose!
Who earns a living driving their customers away? A taxi driver. What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise? LMAYO
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will Let it go.
Which is the building is the largest? The library because it has the most stories.
Why did the belt get arrested? He held up a pair of pants.
Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His trousers fit him like a glove.
How do you know when a bike is thinking?
You can see its wheels turning.
What belongs to you but others use more? Your name
What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell
What washes up on very small beaches? Microwaves!
How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.
Why is England the wettest country? Because the queen has reigned there for years!