What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
What kind of berry has a coloring book? A crayon-berry
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? Neither, they both weigh a ton!
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
What has 5 fingers but isn't your hand?
My hand.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear
Why is Basketball such a messy sport? Because you dribble on the floor!
What do cats eat for breakfast? Mice Crispies!
Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school? Because they're all in High School!
What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer? The Space bar!
What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks. Where do bees go to the bathroom? At the BP station!
Do you know how many famous men and women were born on your birthday?
None, only babies.
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillowcases? Their making headlines...
Did you hear about that new broom? It's sweeping the nation!
What did the tie say to the hat? A. You go on ahead and I'll hang around
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him!
What kind of shoes do private investigators wear?
Sneak-ers.
What’s the most expensive kind of fish?
A gold fish.
Why doesn't iron form a good bond with other metals?
Because it has rust issues!
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep? So he could have sweet dreams. What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare.
Where do sheep go to get haircuts? To the Baa Baa shop!
Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
Why do we never tell jokes about pizza?
They’re too cheesy.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He felt crummy!
How do you organize a space party? You planet!
What do you call a baby monkey? A Chimp off the old block.
What kind of button won't unbutton? A bellybutton!
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
Knock knock…
Who’s there?
Voodoo.
Voodoo who?
Voodoo you think you are?
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog! What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon? A sour puss!
Q: What does a dentist do during an earthquake?
A: She braces herself!
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
What did one elevator say to the other elevator? I think I'm coming down with something!
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? An offer you can't understand.
Where does bad light go? PRISM!
What dog keeps the best time? A watch dog.
What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in? A water
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta
What garment are you most likely to spot a house in?
Address
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.
What's the difference between a cat and a frog? A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night!