Why did the blonde have square boobs? Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes.
Why did the blond enter the tennis courts naked?
Because the sign said tennis shoes only.
Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.
Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed? Because she wanted to measure how long he slept.
Why did the blonde give up online shopping?
The trolley kept falling off the computer.
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"
What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team? They drowned in Spring Training
A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and with a screaming voice said, “I have a complaint!”
“How can i help you?” said the librarian looking up at her.
“I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!”
Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked “What was wrong with it?”
“It had way too many characters and there was no plot!” said the blonde.
The librarian nodded and said, “Ahhh. So YOU must be the person who took our phone book."
What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
Why did the blond softball team always eat at Taco Bell before a game?
So they'd get more runs than the opponents.
Why do blondes wear hooped ear rings. So they have somewhere to put their feet when having se*.
Why do blondes wear ponytails? To hide the valve stem!
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'.
How do you drown a submarine full of blonds?
You knock on the door.
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
How does a blonde kill a worm?
She buries it.
How do you confuse a blond?
Tell them to count the stairs on a escalator.
What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? "Thanks for the refill!"
A blonde goes to a soda machine.
She puts in a dollar and gets a soda.
She does this again and again.
A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long.
She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?"
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
Two blonds were driving down the road.
The blond driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working.
So the blond looks out the window and says, "Yes. No. Yes. No."
There was this guy who was married to a blonde, and each night he came home with a new blonde joke.
One night the wife got mad and decided to show him that she wasn't dumb.
She spent the whole next day learning all her states and capitals.
That night when he got home he told his joke.
She says, "I'm not so dumb. I know all of the states and capitals. Go ahead, quiz me."
He thought for a moment and asked, "What is the capital of Massachusetts?"
She quickly replied, "M"!
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says: "Doctor, what’s the problem with me? When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts... When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!" The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
Two blondes were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.
A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they’d never seen before.
Each bought one.
The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across to her friend and said, “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”
“Why not?”
“I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”
Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
What do you call a blonde holding a balloon? Siamese twins
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says:
"Doctor, what’s the problem with me?
When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts...
When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!"
The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A blonde parade.
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."