Two blondes were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.
A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they’d never seen before.
Each bought one.
The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across to her friend and said, “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”
“Why not?”
“I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour. So, when would you like to start?"
"Could I start In three months?"
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? "Thanks for the refill!"
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'.
How many dumb blonde jokes are there? None they're all true stories.
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days?
Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? Perri-air.
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A blonde parade.
What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? Her IQ goes up!
A blonde goes to a soda machine.
She puts in a dollar and gets a soda.
She does this again and again.
A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long.
She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?"
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
This blonde was walking down a road carrying a bag, when a guy came along.
The guy asks, "What are you carrying?"
"Melons," the blonde replies.
"Cool," the guy says.
"If I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?"
The blonde giggles and says, "If you can guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them."
An blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
Why did the blonde have square boobs? Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes.
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell, she has a grenade in her hand.
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour.
So, when would you like to start?"
"In three months."
How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Why did the blonde only tie one shoe? Because on the bottom it said "Taiwan" (Tie one)
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave!
What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.
How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.
Why do blondes wear hooped ear rings. So they have somewhere to put their feet when having se*.
Dustin and Jane (both blonds) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end.
The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?”
The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.”
What goes: vroooom-schreech, vrooom-schreech, vroooom-schreech? A blonde at a flashing red light
Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.
How do you kill a blonde? Give her a gun and say it's a hair drier.
Why do blondes wear ponytails? To hide the valve stem!
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says: "Doctor, what’s the problem with me? When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts... When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!" The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
How many blonde jokes are there?
One. The rest are all true stories.
What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says:
"Doctor, what’s the problem with me?
When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts...
When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!"
The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
How do you confuse a blonde? Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
Why did the blonde put sugar on her bed? Because she wanted sweet dreams!
Two blondes are walking down the road when one says "Look at that dog with one eye!"
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says "Where?"
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
How does a blonde kill a worm?
She buries it.
Why did the blond softball team always eat at Taco Bell before a game?
So they'd get more runs than the opponents.
A blond rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?" The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..." The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days? Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
Did you hear about the blonde corn maze? It only had 1 stalk.
Why did the blonde give up online shopping?
The trolley kept falling off the computer.
How do you drown a blonde? Tape a mirror to the bottom of a pool.