Why did the blonde give up online shopping?
The trolley kept falling off the computer.
Why did the blonde only tie one shoe? Because on the bottom it said "Taiwan" (Tie one)
There was this guy who was married to a blonde, and each night he came home with a new blonde joke.
One night the wife got mad and decided to show him that she wasn't dumb.
She spent the whole next day learning all her states and capitals.
That night when he got home he told his joke.
She says, "I'm not so dumb. I know all of the states and capitals. Go ahead, quiz me."
He thought for a moment and asked, "What is the capital of Massachusetts?"
She quickly replied, "M"!
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
Why do blondes wear hooped ear rings. So they have somewhere to put their feet when having se*.
What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave!
What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? "Thanks for the refill!"
Two blondes were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.
A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they’d never seen before.
Each bought one.
The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across to her friend and said, “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”
“Why not?”
“I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”
Did you hear about the blonde corn maze? It only had 1 stalk.
Why did the blond enter the tennis courts naked?
Because the sign said tennis shoes only.
A blond rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?" The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..." The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
Why did the Blonde go to the Apple Store? She wanted a Big Mac meal.
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
Baseball Fan: Have you ever seen a line drive?
Blond Baseball Fan: No, but I have seen a baseball park.
How do you kill a blonde? Give her a gun and say it's a hair drier.
Two blondes are walking down the road when one says "Look at that dog with one eye!"
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says "Where?"
Dustin and Jane (both blonds) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end.
The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?”
The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.”
Why did the blonde have square boobs? Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes.
What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
Did you ever hear about the blonde who bathed herself and drank cleaning substances? She wanted to be spotless inside and out.
A blonde and a brunette were jumping off a building. Who jumped first? The brunette. The blonde had to ask for directions...
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Why shouldn't you even think about dating the blond outfielder who got hit in the head by a baseball?
Because she's a bad catch.
A blond was taking helicopter lessons.
The instructor said, "I'll radio you every 1000 feet to see how you're doing."
At 1000 feet, the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great.
At 2000 feet, he said she was still doing well.
Right before she got to 3000 feet, the propeller stopped, and she twirled to the ground.
The instructor ran to where she crash landed and pulled her out of the helicopter. "What went wrong?"
The blond said, "At 2500 feet, I started to get cold, so I turned the big fan off."
How many dumb blonde jokes are there? None they're all true stories.
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
How do you drown a submarine full of blonds?
You knock on the door.
How do you confuse a blonde? Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team? They drowned in Spring Training
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell, she has a grenade in her hand.
What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of a pool? Air Pockets What has 12 feet and an IQ of 40? A Blonde-tourage.
How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'.
A blond rings up an airline.
She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"
The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."
The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards
An blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and with a screaming voice said, “I have a complaint!”
“How can i help you?” said the librarian looking up at her.
“I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!”
Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked “What was wrong with it?”
“It had way too many characters and there was no plot!” said the blonde.
The librarian nodded and said, “Ahhh. So YOU must be the person who took our phone book."
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says:
"Doctor, what’s the problem with me?
When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts...
When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!"
The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? She moved.
A blond pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died.
After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly.
"What's the story?" she asked.
"Just crap in the carburetor," the mechanic replied.
"How often do I have to do that?" asked the blond.
What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A blonde parade.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? Perri-air.
Doctor: "You look exhausted."
Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."
What's the mating call of the blonde? "I'm sooooo drunk!"
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days?
Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.