What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A blonde parade.

A blond rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?" The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..." The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.

Did you ever hear about the blonde who bathed herself and drank cleaning substances? She wanted to be spotless inside and out.

How do you drown a submarine full of blonds?
You knock on the door.

A blond pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died.
After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly.
"What's the story?" she asked.
"Just crap in the carburetor," the mechanic replied.
"How often do I have to do that?" asked the blond.

“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.

Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!

“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.

How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.

A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."

How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer.

What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back

A blond was taking helicopter lessons.
The instructor said, "I'll radio you every 1000 feet to see how you're doing."
At 1000 feet, the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great.
At 2000 feet, he said she was still doing well.
Right before she got to 3000 feet, the propeller stopped, and she twirled to the ground.
The instructor ran to where she crash landed and pulled her out of the helicopter. "What went wrong?"
The blond said, "At 2500 feet, I started to get cold, so I turned the big fan off."

Why did the blonde put sugar on her bed? Because she wanted sweet dreams!

Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'.

How do you confuse a blonde? Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.

Why did the blonde have square boobs? Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes.

Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards

A blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"

“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.

How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days?
Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.

What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? Her IQ goes up!

Two blondes fell down a hole.
One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see!"

Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.

One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."

What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.

A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."

Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? Because she got an "F" in se*.

How do you confuse a blond?
Tell them to count the stairs on a escalator.

Why blondes can't make Koolaid? Because they can't get 2 quarts of water in that small koolaid envelope.

This blonde was walking down a road carrying a bag, when a guy came along.
The guy asks, "What are you carrying?"
"Melons," the blonde replies.
"Cool," the guy says.
"If I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?"
The blonde giggles and says, "If you can guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them."

Why do blondes wear hooped ear rings. So they have somewhere to put their feet when having se*.

On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor.
He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.
The blonde asked, “How am I supposed to know when I’m at 300 feet?”
“That’s a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you'll be able to recognize the faces of people on the ground.”
After pondering his answer, she asked, “What happens if there’s no one there I know?”

What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team? They drowned in Spring Training

Did you hear about the blonde corn maze? It only had 1 stalk.

How does a blonde kill a worm?
She buries it.

What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? "Thanks for the refill!"

There was this guy who was married to a blonde, and each night he came home with a new blonde joke.
One night the wife got mad and decided to show him that she wasn't dumb.
She spent the whole next day learning all her states and capitals.
That night when he got home he told his joke.
She says, "I'm not so dumb. I know all of the states and capitals. Go ahead, quiz me."
He thought for a moment and asked, "What is the capital of Massachusetts?"
She quickly replied, "M"!

Why did the blonde take a camera to bed? To record what she was going to dream that night.

Baseball Fan: Have you ever seen a line drive?
Blond Baseball Fan: No, but I have seen a baseball park.

How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door.

A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"

Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!

What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? Data transfer.

What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave!

A Blond walks into a doctors office and says:
"Doctor, what’s the problem with me?
When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts...
When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!"
The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."

Why did the blond softball team always eat at Taco Bell before a game?
So they'd get more runs than the opponents.

Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.

Why did the blonde only tie one shoe? Because on the bottom it said "Taiwan" (Tie one)

Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!