If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware? Idaho... Alaska!
What did a sign say outside the pet shop? Buy 1 dog get 1 flea!
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day? A Frisbee.
Did you know vampires aren’t real?
Unless you Count Dracula.
Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?
They were past their hexpiration date!
What belongs to you but others use more? Your name
What stays on the ground but never gets dirty? Shadow.
Q: What is a dentist's favorite animal?
A: A molar bear!
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people's arms off? It was a vicious cycle.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go MOO!
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a bogey in it.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
Q: What did the judge say to the dentist?
A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
What do you get when you plant kisses? Tu-lips (two-lips)
What is considered the tallest building in the world?
The library, because it has so many stories.
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business!
Why did the balloon burst? Because is saw a lolly pop.
What did one plate say to the other? Dinners on me
What do you call a very religious person that sleep walks? a Roman Catholic
What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
Why did the giraffe get bad grades? He had his head in the clouds.
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha
Little Johnny's teacher said,
"Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's."
"Did you copy hers?" she asked.
Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!"
What do you call a crushed angle? a rectangle
What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird!
What do you call a three-footed aardvark? a yardvark!
What do you call a window that raps? 2PANEZ
What is brown and sticky?
A stick!
What exam do young witches have to pass? A spell-ing test!
What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? Urgent Tina
What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving? A turkey!
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.
Where do sheep go to get haircuts? To the Baa Baa shop!
What did the tie say to the hat? You go on ahead and I'll hang around!
Why did the log fall into a creek? Because that's how it ROLLS!
Which month do soldiers hate most? The month of March!
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts. What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese
What event do spiders love to attend?
Webbings.
What did the tailor think of her new job? It was sew sew.
Q: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?
A: I don't know, the dentist kept it.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
What kind of nut doesn’t like money?
Cash ew.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
Knock knock…
Who’s there?
Voodoo.
Voodoo who?
Voodoo you think you are?