Why is Basketball such a messy sport? Because you dribble on the floor!
What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.
What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer? The Space bar!
What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
Nacho cheese!
Why did the barber win the race? Because he took a short cut.
What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we will go places!
Q: What did one tooth say to the other tooth?
A: Thar's gold in them fills!
Did you hear about the party a little boy had for his sisters barbie dolls? A. It was a Barbie-
How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
You rocket.
What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter? Jellyfish!
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
Why couldn't the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!
Did you hear the joke about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head!
Why did the belt go to jail? Because it held up a pair of pants!
What did the tailor think of her new job? It was sew sew.
Q: What is a dentist's favorite animal?
A: A molar bear!
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs? A penny.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean? Because they dropped out of school!
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
Why was the weightlifter upset?
She worked with dumbbells.
What bow can't be tied? A rainbow!
Knock, knock
Who’s There?
Annie
Annie Who?
Annie thing you can do, I can do better.
What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move? The road!
What does Minnie Mouse drive?
A Minnie van!
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a bogey in it.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
PRIME-mates.
What did the painter say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk? Because he wanted to work over-time!
Where did the computer go to dance? To a disc-o.
Did you ever hear about that movie constipation? It never came out.
Q: When does a doctor get mad?
A: When he runs out of patients!
Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school? Because they're all in High School!
What four letters will frighten a burglar? O I C U Where does bad light go? To prism!
Q: Where does a boat go when it's sick?
A: To the dock!
What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup? Firecrackers!
Where do boats go when they get sick? The dock
What did Delaware? a New Jersey
How does a suit put his child into bed? He tux him in.
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because they take too long to iron!
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They’re always stuffed!
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers!
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What's taken before you get it? Your picture.
What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
Q: What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?
A: I hear the doctor is taking us out tonight!
How do you know when a bike is thinking?
You can see its wheels turning.
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!