Why is England the wettest country? Because the queen has reigned there for years!
What happened when a faucet, a tomato and lettuce were in a race? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
How does a suit put his child into bed?
He tux him in.
19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.
What runs but can't walk? The faucet!
What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth? A Gummy Bear
What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move? The road!
How do billboards talk?
Sign language.
What does Minnie Mouse drive?
A Minnie van!
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his parents were in a jam!
What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.
What is a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!
What does one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
What's taken before you get it? Your picture.
Why is justice best served cold?
Because if it were warm, it would be justwater.
Why didn't the 11 year old go to the pirate movie? because it was rated arrrrr!
What did Delaware? a New Jersey
Did you hear about the guy who died when an axe fell on him? The police are calling it an axe-i-dent.
What did a sign say outside the pet shop? Buy 1 dog get 1 flea!
Do you know how many famous men and women were born on your birthday?
None, only babies.
What do you call a gangsta snowman? Froze-T
Did you hear about the angry pancake? He just flipped.
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
'I've lost five dollars,' sobbed Johnny.
'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.'
Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever.
'Now what is it ?' asked his dad.
'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten dollars!'
Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? He got stuck in Orbit.
What do you get when you cross Speedy Gonzales with a country singer? Arriba McEntire.
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
Q: What did the judge say to the dentist?
A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
What do you cal purple when it is being mean? Violent.
Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their buttquacks.
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack? An abdominal snowman.
Why is Basketball such a messy sport? Because you dribble on the floor!
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: He was feeling really crumbie!
What kind of nut doesn’t like money?
Cash ew.
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
What is considered the tallest building in the world?
The library, because it has so many stories.
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? He wanted to get to the bottom.
Why are pirates called pirates? Cause they arrrrr.
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
Q: Did you hear the one about the virus?
A: Never mind, I don't want to spread it around.
What is large and rocky at the bottom, small and snowy at the top and has ears?
Give up? A mountain.
Yeah but what about the ears?
You never heard of mountaineers?
What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.