Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
Woke up with sweats afraid I'd contracted the corona virus...
Changed into jeans and was all good.
My real costume is at home in a box under my bed.
Tom Hanks just got the Corona virus.
They had to lock the whole Cast Away.
We are 11 days into self-isolation ands it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks.
Don’t get me wrong, I empathize with her. I’ve considered letting her in many times, but rules are rules.
Why are people buying so much toilet paper because of the corona virus?
Because when one person sneezes, 100 people shit themselves.
People with a cold - "I just want to stay in bed and do nothing, I feel terrible."
People with Corona Virus - "I feel terrible, I think I will go skiing in Austria, visit the Eiffel Tower and maybe do some white water rafting in Camino de Santiago."
I just asked the wife to get into her nurse's uniform.
She said "Why? Are you feeling horny?"
"No we need bread!"
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing but this is as close as I could get.
You know what they say... Big Feet.
Girl, are you the Wuhan Corona Virus?
Because you’re taking my breath away.
Listen to them, children of the night. Let’s give them some competition.
Is that a bat in your pocket, or does my costume excite you?
Girl, you make my crotch rise from the dead
My teen daughter was sent home from school for covid exposure.....
She’s now my quaranteen.
Hey, my parents are out of town. That means we have the haunted mansion all to ourselves.
With Corona Virus spreading, I never thought our deaths will also be..
“Made in China”
With all this talk of Corona Virus, the people who make sanitising gel are rubbing their hands together.
I got my COVID-19 vaccine from a "doctor" who approached me in a downtown alley after midnight, offering it for $50 cash.
It was a shot in the dark, but I took it.
Call me a pirate and give me that booty.
Why did the Chinese communist party try to cover up the outbreak of the corona virus disease?
They were afraid not everyone could get it.
I’m no vampire but I’m fine with getting no sleep and biting your neck all night.
Ok, so if the Corona Virus isn't about beer, why do I keep hearing about cases of it?
I really hope corona virus can't spread through s*x
It would be so lonely being the last man on Earth.
There’s no trick in these pants.
Corona Beer sales falter amid Corona virus crisis...
Guess their viral marketing strategy failed.
Definition of Irony - When the Year Of The Rat starts with a plague.
Why is there no COVID cases in Antarctica
Because it’s so ice-o-lated
I like my girls how I like my Covid.
19 and easily spread.
I broke up with my girlfriend after she contracted the corona virus
I’ve decided to wash my hands of her.
The government announced that because of COVID, we can have gatherings of up to 5 people without issues.
Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without issues?
I've taken up online yoga since the COVID-19 outbreak started.
It helps me namaste at home.
I'm tired of this old broom. Got anything else I can ride?
I was going to make a joke about losing your senses due to COVID.
But I decided it was poor taste.
While it’s taking a while for the Corona virus to reach other countries, China got it right off the bat.
I’m throwing a COVID-19 party this weekend.
None of you are invited.
Hey Baby, wanna find out why they call me Pumpkin-Head?
Even after a decade or two, I think we will all remember this year forever.
I mean, hindsight is 2020.
Hey, Baby do you want to see what tricks my treat could do?
I am a mean green machine.
I went to the chemist today and asked the assistant "what kills the Corona Virus?"
She replied to me "Ammonia Cleaner"
I said "Oh, I am sorry, I thought you worked here."
This Corona virus is a blessing
My wife doesn't want to travel anywhere.
She no longer buys anything online, since everything comes from China.
she doesn't go to the mall to avoid the crowds.
she spends all of her time in a mask with her mouth closed.
Best thing that has ever happened to me.
I should have dressed up as a ghost tonight so I could let you under my sheets.
What does a person with Covid like to drink?
Coughy.
I may be dressed as a vampire tonihgt, but if you play your cards right you might be the one sucking
My daughter told me COVID stinks and she misses her teacher...
I told her "I Ms. your teacher too."
Why can't corona virus jokes go viral?
Because people are laughing into their elbows.
Is it true what they say about the size of a man’s canine teeth?
I wanna bob for your apples.
Turns out my dad who’s a locksmith still has to go to work during lockdown.
He’s a key worker, you see.