Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.