My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
I went to test my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.