My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
I went to test my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.