Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.