What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife