I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.