Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”