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Hear Jokes

Garden Puns
Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
It's acorny one!
Music Pick Up Lines
Are you my new favorite song? Because I'd like to hear you on repeat.
Is that a fugue I can hear? Because we’re about to get entangled
Spotify Pick Up Lines
Did my Spotify playlist glitch? Because you are the only song I hear.
Halloween Pick Up Lines
I hear this house is haunted… we better stick together.
Pot Puns
I decided to try growing pot...
So I buried a saucepan in my yard. I hear it takes no skillet all.
Did you hear about the fellow who threw away his new iron skillet?
It smelt funny...
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?
He liked to drink risky on the woks
Can You Say Daddy?
Baby: "Mommy." Dad: "No. Say daddy." Baby: "Mommy." Dad: "Crap! Say daddy!" Baby: "Crap!" Dad: "What did you say?" Baby: "Crap!" Mom: "I'm home!" Baby: "Crap!" Mom: "What? Where did you hear that?" Baby: "Daddy."
Mall Pick Up Lines
Did you hear that? They're playing our future song on the speakers!
Space Pick Up Lines
In space, no one can hear us scream.
Yard Puns
Did you hear they are not making yardsticks any longer?
They’re not making them any shorter either.
Movie Pick Up Lines
"I hear voices, too. Voices that say, 'If you don't kiss her soon, you're a chump.'"
- Jimmy Stewart, You Can't Take It with You (1938)
The Remakrable Native American
150 years ago, two cowboys come upon a Native American lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see that Injun?" "Yeah," says the other cowboy. "Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction." Just then the Native American looks up. "Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon." "Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon! Remarkable! How do you do it?!?" The Native looks up weakly and says, "Ran over me about a half hour ago."
Language Pick Up Lines
I know "Good Morning" in 5 different languages
Which do you want to hear tomorrow?
Food Quotes
"If I hold a can of soda up to my ear and listen carefully, I can hear my bones pleading for a glass of milk."
– Bridger Winegar
Funny Groucho Marx Quotes
"If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again."