The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
All farts...are laughing gas.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.