My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
All farts...are laughing gas.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.