A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Let’s kick off shall we? I just hope that my unicorn puns won’t be too corny for you.
If an adult is called a unicorn, are its young one’s called puny-corns?
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
A fairy appears in front of an old man.
"For the good things you've done in your life, I grant you three wishes!"
The old man squints and asks: "Can you speak up a bit? My hearing isn't the best anymore..."
The fairy replies: "SURE! YOU HAVE TWO WISHES!"
What do you call an extremely disgusting unicorn that no one likes? An eeeww-nicorn.
What do you call a sarcastic mermaid?
A sigh-ren.
Why do dwarves hunt dragons in the morning?
Because the early beard gets the wyrm.
You seem a little mer-mad.
Wish upon a starfish.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
A man meets a fairy.
"I grant you 2 wishes" , says the fairy.
"I want a bottle of beer that never gets empty" , says the man.
He starts to drink. After two minutes he stops drinking and the bottle is still full.
"And youre second wish?" the fairy asks.
"Another one of those."
What's worse than a dragon speaking to you?
The money that you have to pay for therapy.
Go big or go gnome.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Unicorns deserve to be banned from facebook because all they do is poke people all day.
Why won’t you ever find a unicorn in the army? Because they don’t like wearing uniforms.
Did you hear the one about the genius unicorn who aced every subject? Yeah, he was a real A corn.
I hate how all my fairy photographs have really bad quality.
They’re all so pixielated.
Why are unicorns considered to be among the most impatient mammals? They’re quick to get to the point.
What kind of underwear does a math-obsessed mermaid wear?
An algae bra.
Most unicorns start off as poor hunters until they can really horn their skills.
Did you hear about the misbehaving unicorn? Sure, but I never though that these creatures could get so horny.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
Have you seen Jake’s new custom trumpet? Yeah, that’s quite a unique horn, I’d know it anywhere.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
What do you call the Tooth Fairy in a lamp?
A Hygenie.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
When the little unicorn got bullied at school, he told his pop-corn so he could do something about it.
Did you know that unicorns live in New York City? I swear why do you think their called uNYCorns?
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
I swear I saw one of those mythical creatures somewhere in the bush; but when I came back, it was uni-gone.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
Fishing you a happy day.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
What do you call a 2D fairy?
Pixie-lated.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.
He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
When it comes to mermaids growing legs, it's all in the de-tail.
Just because your football team calls itself the unicorns doesn’t mean they can play in the corn field.
Where did the mermaid go on a date?
She was catching a movie at the dive-in.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"